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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962963">Green like the forest, grey like the mountains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildmunko/pseuds/wildmunko'>wildmunko</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A group of friends in their 20s just training and stuff, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gets gayer with time lol, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Reiner Braun being confused, Short, Training Camp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:41:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,625</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildmunko/pseuds/wildmunko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer, mountains, training, friendship and Reiner's gay awakening.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I basically wrote this listening to folklore so expect some gay shit, fluff, summer vibes and all that jazz!</p><p>The story is set in a camp in the middle of the forest in which the Warriors, a 20-something year old trainee squad, has to spend the summer in order to focus on their training. The fic is not set in the SnK universe, it's more of a modern AU, so there won't be spoilers for the manga or the anime. </p><p>More fluff, more angst, and more spice to come in next chapters!<br/>(This is more of an introductory one, I'll try to update weekly hehehe, enjoy!!!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What? You have nothing to say?” Bertholdt yelled, his eyes darting a hurt glance in Reiner’s direction.</p><p>Reiner knew Bertholdt was holding himself back. Holding his rage, his contempt, perhaps even his grief. He was shouting, but there was still some kind of containment in the way he delivered his accusations, as if he didn’t want to explode altogether. </p><p>That was Bertholdt: too polite to show his anger, even when he was livid.</p><p>The blond man parted his lips, as if he was about to say something, but he found his throat dry and his tongue still, unable to articulate a single word. His hazel eyes looked up and Bertholdt looked back at him. There was a brief silence. The tallest of them both was the first one to look away, nodding with his head as he pressed his thin lips together.</p><p>“I see” he said, his voice hoarse, as though he had something stuck in his throat. Reiner knew what it was; he felt the same way, regardless of his sudden inability to express it. “Then there’s not much I can say…” Berthold added, gloomy.</p><p>Reiner, still mute, stood where he was as Bertholdt walked past him, sharing a final stare, a longer one. The blue light of the moon projected shadows on Bertholdt’s elongated face, only adding to the hopelessness of his expression. Reiner thought that he looked beautiful, immensely alluring, but he still didn’t utter a single word. He just watched him go in silence, with his sad eyes gazing away from him.</p><p>Those deep green eyes, sadder than he had ever seen them.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> A few weeks earlier... </em>
</p><p>There was something in the early mornings. The mist, the pale still-too-weak-to-be-hot sunlight, the deafening silence.</p><p>Reiner enjoyed those hours the most. When everyone was asleep, he had time for himself, without pressure or expectations to meet, or the need to do anything but reflect in silence and relax. That was the main reason why he woke up around sunrise.</p><p>And, as every other morning, he turned off the alarm of his phone before it could wake anyone else up and rose up, carefully climbing down from his bed and heading straight to the door. The six trainees slept in the same cabin, in several bunk beds squeezed in the tiny space, so Reiner always tried to leave his clothes in the changing room, another small-sized building just steps away from the bedroom. The bathroom and showers, adjacent to the changing room, and the covered dining hall were all as tiny and sober as the other buildings: wooden walls and floors, no decoration, and the bare minimum amenities to have a frugal, yet relatively comfortable experience. Their squad captain had told them the very first day: their trip to the mountains was not a holiday, but part of their training. Nevertheless, Reiner didn’t mind the lack of commodities or the weak telephone signal. He enjoyed the peace and the feeling of having nothing to do besides the schedule and activities their superiors had planned for them. </p><p>He stepped outside, barefoot and still in his pajamas, and took a deep breath. The air was clean and fresh, hours before the summer sun would turn it into a suffocating breeze. Enjoying the touch of the grass underneath his feet, he went straight to the changing room and put on sweatpants and an old sweatshirt with the name of his unit on the back, the <em> Warriors </em>, as one of their instructors had named them back when the team was formed. Those first days as cadets seemed so distant, Reiner sometimes wondered if he was the one who experienced them. The idea of not knowing his peers seemed absurd, impossible. Their friendship had grown throughout the past year until it bloomed into something deeper, a bond too deep and special to be calificated just as friendship or even family. With these thoughts vaguely lingering in his mind, he washed his face in the sink, letting the icy-cold water wake him up, and then he stepped outside once more. From where the cabin was, a clearing in the middle of the pine forest, he could see the great lake down below, at the foot of a nearby mountain. The sky was painted by a stunning clear blue, in which the yellow and white tones of the rising sun diluted like watercolour, topped by a couple of soft, cotton candy clouds.</p><p>It was a beautiful picturesque view, he thought, as he put on his earphones and tuned in to a generic radio program, just to hear the news while he jogged. </p><p>Taking his favourite road, he trotted down the small hill in which the cabin was located, and then went straight into the woods, following a narrow path parallel to the main road that went deeper into the dense pine forest. He continued running at a moderate pace, up another tiny hill, and then downhill once more. Reiner could hear the voice on the radio, low and distant, as a murmur that kept his mind focused, but not paying special attention to the words the host was saying.</p><p>After a while, when his legs and lungs felt warm, he slowed the pace and eventually stopped under the shadow of a large pine and rested his back against the rough surface of the trunk. He got rid of the earphones and the voice of the radio host disappeared all of the sudden. Placing two fingers on his throat, Reiner measured his pulse as he heard, mesmerised, the many sounds of the forest. The chirp of a bird up above his head, the branches of the conifers touching one another as the breeze swinged them, the distant watery sound of a creek. A smile curved up the corners of his lips.</p><p>After a minute, he put the earphones on again and took the road back to  the cabin.</p><p>***</p><p>At 8 in the morning, the six members of the unit were waiting for their captain outside their dorm. Reiner took a peek to his peer’s faces, detecting different levels of weariness on them. For instance, Annie and Marcel looked quite fresh, whilst Pieck and Bertholdt, who slept in the top bunk bed next to Reiner’s and had almost kicked him down his own several times, were almost unable to keep their yaws closed, constantly yawning with barely open eyes. Porco was somewhere in between, and at least tried to hide his own yaws, although the task seemed to take quite a bit of an effort.</p><p>Zeke arrived ten minutes later in his brown 4x4. While the trainees wore training clothes, the captain of the unit looked way neater, with a white shirt, linen pants and clean shoes. He gave the squad a parsimonious look, as though he was analysing them, and finally, he spoke in his usual cold, distant manner: “Good morning, Warriors”.</p><p>“Good morning, captain” was the unanimous answer.</p><p>“I’ll assume you all checked your schedules last night. Pick up your bags and walk to the first meeting point. I’ll be waiting there for you” he instructed, not waiting for any question to be delivered. Then, after darting a final look to the troop, he got in his car and drove off.</p><p>There was a silence as the wheels of the 4x4 creaked over the gravel of the floor, and as soon as the car disappeared into the road, Porco sighed and relaxed.</p><p>“Eeerhm…” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. “Has anyone checked the schedule?”</p><p>Reiner rolled his eyes and, somewhere near, he heard Bertholdt’s little laughter. Reiner’s caught a glimpse of his peer from the corner of his eye and tried to stay serious, with little success.</p><p>***</p><p>By the time they reached the first checkpoint the sun was way up in the sky, heating the humid forest air, transformed into a huge natural sauna. Soaked in sweat, Reiner leaned against a nearby tree and tried to catch a breath. Someone offered him an opened water bottle, and when he raised his eyes, Reiner found Bertholdt, standing in silence beside him with a rather concerned look. His short dark hair was wet on the tips and his cheeks blushed up to his nose.</p><p>“You okay?” he said, slightly tilting his head.</p><p>Reiner accepted the bottle and stood up, trying to appear stronger than he was feeling. The heat and the weariness were taking their toll on him, and he was starting to regret the morning jog. But still, the last thing he wanted was to appear weak in front of the unit, so he nodded and took a sip of the water.</p><p>“I’m fine, Bert. Thanks” he said, with a half-smile. However, he didn’t miss the way in which the siblings looked at him from behind Berthold’s tall figure. Marcel, rather worried and Porco, almost unable to hold back a mischievous smile. </p><p>“You’re all awfully slow” Zeke complained, looking perfectly fresh, his waist resting against the hood of the 4x4. He checked his watch and pulled a face of utter disappointment. “Anyway” he continued, his eyes travelling from one member of the unit to another from behind his glasses, “I hope you enjoyed the walk. Now let’s get down to business.” </p><p>From the pocket of his neatly ironed pants he pulled out a large piece of paper, and then proceeded to unfold it. He held two maps, one on each hand, for the troop to watch.</p><p>“You’ll make three different groups and each group will follow a different route. You can’t use a compass, GPS or any other navigation system, but I’ll give you two maps.”</p><p>“But there’s three groups,” said Pieck, pointing out the obvious.</p><p> A malicious grin curved the lips of the captain.</p><p>“I know” he said, handing the maps to the group. “You have three hours to reach the finish line. It’s marked with a red circle on the map. Good luck.” And right before he hopped on the car, with the door already open, he turned around and added: “I almost forgot it! You need a captain to make the groups, hand out the maps and, well… Bear the responsibility if you fail the mission.”</p><p>Reiner stood still, straightening his back. Usually, he was the designated leader, so the whole troop had gotten used to leaving him to bear such burden. To be honest, and despite feeling proud of his usually successful performance, not even Reiner fancied being the leader on the missions, as it stressed the hell out of him. He liked his peers, he really did appreciate them, but when it came to work, Porco was too rebellious, Pieck always tried to get away with doing the tiniest bit of effort, Annie was effective but she disliked teamwork and kept trying to do everything on her own, and Marcel, although he was efficient, knew how to handle stress and was able to balance obedience and proactiveness, he tend to protect others too much and to cover them when they made a mistake. As for Bertholdt… Reiner looked to his right, where he was standing in all of his height. He was all kindness and his physical abilities were more than enough. But he always seemed to be holding himself back, as if he didn’t dare to make decisions on his own.</p><p>Assuming that, once more, he would be the captain, Reiner looked at Zeke and decided to stop worrying about Bertholdt’s leadership skills. All in all, it wasn’t as if he was to be the leader anytime soon. He’d learn with time and hardwork, that was for sure.</p><p>And then Zeke smiled widely and pointed at Reiner’s right.</p><p>“Bertholdt. Why don’t you lead your team for once?”</p><p>Five pairs of eyes looked at the tall man who, pretending his best not to look utterly terrified, smirked and nodded several times before murmuring a barely audible “yes, sir”.</p><p>***</p><p>The groups Bertholdt made were the following: Marcel and Annie, Porco and Pieck, Reiner and him. He gave one map to Annie and one to Porco, and each group left in a different direction. Marcel and Annie took the road towards the south, Porco and Pieck went to the  south-west, and the west road was left for Reiner and Bertholdt himself.</p><p>At first, the team thought that the westernt road would be the easiest one, and that’s why Bertholdt and Reiner took it, as they were navigating without a map. However, it wasn’t even fifteen minutes into the walk when they found out that Zeke had prepared them some little surprises to spice up the hike.</p><p>“Son of a bitch…” Reiner murmured under his breath as he stood in front of the three fallen trees in the middle of the road. They were at least 9 feet each, and, despite looking like an unfortunate natural accident at first sight, the way in which they were set was enough proof for the cadets to know that just climbing the trunks and continuing the road was not an option. They had to clear the way first.</p><p>“Oh, damn” Bertholdt sighed, clicking his tongue before approaching the fallen trees and taking a better look. “Okay, I think we can move them pretty fast.”</p><p>“I bet Zeke wants us to die,” Reiner said, jokingly, as he walked towards the thickest end of the trunk and squatted next to it. “He wants us to be all worn out and to appear at the checkpoint dragging our asses as we beg for a drop of water.”</p><p>Bertholdt chuckled and bent down to pick the other side of the tree.</p><p>“Come on, don’t be so dramatic,” he said, pulling it up at the same time as Reiner. They moved slowly, carefully and once they reached the side of the road, they dropped the tree and turned around to pick the second one.</p><p>Reiner could feel drops of sweat running down the back of his neck. The thick foliage protected them from direct sunlight, but it was still too hot to spend time and energy doing such silly tasks, particularly having a long road ahead.</p><p>“All I’m saying” said the blond, his voice muffled with effort as he picked up another trunk, “is that this is pointless.”</p><p>When they threw the second tree to the side, they stopped to catch a breath. Berthold crouched down and opened his bag, searching for the water bottle. Reiner laid his eyes on him and, to his surprise, he found out that despite being soaked in sweat and almost panting, Bertholdt’s face still showed a serene smile when he offered the bottle.</p><p>“Want some?” he said, his greyish green eyes smiling as much as his lips.</p><p>Reiner nodded, took the bottle and drank from it. Maybe it was for his soft personality or his kind manners. Reiner couldn’t pinpoint why, but he used to forget how capable Bertholdt was of functioning on his own.</p><p>“I always forget how strong you are,” he said, out of nowhere.</p><p>Bertholdt’s eyes landed on his mate and then looked away, with a rather neutral expression, perhaps a reflection of resignation, but Reiner was unable to decipher it.</p><p>“Everyone does” Bertholdt answered, his voice not louder than a sigh.</p><p>Suddenly, something stinged in Reiner’s hand.</p><p>“Auch” he complained, taking his eyes to the palm of his hand. There was a splinter, deeply sunken in his skin. “That fucking tree…” he murmured, pulling the sking of his hand in an attempt of catching the narrow pointy end of the splinter.</p><p>In a heartbeat, Bertholdt moved a bit closer and took his hand, making Reiner stop. “Let me see,” he said softly, as he examined the palm of his friend. Reiner froze and looked at Bertholdt as he held the hand so carefully, so delicately, too focused on his scrupulous examination to notice Reiner’s gaze.</p><p>Finally, Bertholdt pulled the splinter out, slowly, making Reiner hiss.</p><p>“Come on, it’s not that bad!” he said, chuckling at his friend’s sudden lack of stoicism.</p><p>Reiner looked at his palm and shrugged, although he couldn’t brush off the feeling of Berthold’s hand on his for the rest of the walk.</p><p>***</p><p>After the incident with the fallen trees, they had to face a couple of obstacles more, conveniently placed in the middle of the road, such as a pile of heavy rough edged rocks, or a bifurcation that lead to a river they had to cross by feet, getting wet up to their waists. By the time the road was ending, when the sun was already on its cenit, both Reiner and Bertholdt were exhausted, making a last effort not to stop and lay on the grass that covered the sides of the road and which had been looking particularly attractive for the past half hour, at least in Reiner’s eyes.</p><p>Suddenly, a touch on his back brought the blond back to reality. Bertholdt had pat his back, right between his shoulder blades.</p><p>“Be honest with me” said the tallest of both men, his eyes looking anywhere but at his peer, “do you think I made the right decision with the groups?”</p><p>Reiner looked back at Bertholdt and frowned, meditative.</p><p>“Well…” Reiner frowned a bit harder, trying to find a balance between being honest and not hurting the already undermined confidence of his friend. “I’d have done it differently.”</p><p>Bertholdt clicked his tongue and turned his face away from Reiner.</p><p>“I knew it.” There was a silence between them. Reiner hesitated, not wanting to add any more burden to Bertholdt’s back. But he asked, this time looking into Reiner’s hazel eyes. “What would you’ve done in my place?”</p><p>“Aaaaaahm…” Reiner shrugged, trying to appear casual, not as if he knew exactly what he’d have done. “Well, if you ask me…” A little crease had appeared between Bertholdt’s dark eyebrows, so Reiner rushed to give the answer. “I’d have put Annie with Porco and Marcel with Pieck. Porco needs someone to lead him straight, but he wouldn’t let Annie do everything on her own. And Marcel would encourage Pieck to move and to participate.”</p><p>Bertholdt hummed lowly, his sight dropping to the floor and Reiner waited, biting his inner lip, wondering if he had been too blunt. Then Bertholdt raised his face and his deep green eyes looked straight at him.</p><p>“And me?”</p><p>Reiner frowned, looking away, and then he shrugged, as if it was obvious.</p><p>“With me, of course” he said, looking away to the road ahead. “We work well together…”</p><p>There was another pause, covered by the sound of their footsteps.</p><p>“So… At least I made one good decision” said Bertholdt, under his breath. </p><p>Reiner couldn’t see him, but he knew by the sound of his voice that he was smiling. He turned his face to the forest for an instant and pressed his lips together, in a barely repressed smile. When he looked at his mate again, Bertholdt’s smile had reached his eyes, deep as the conifer forest.</p><p>***</p><p>It had barely dawned when Reiner took the road to the forest. </p><p>After being beaten up like he had been the previous day, he had hesitated before waking up. His whole body hurt and his head still felt thick and slow as syrup, but the fresh air of the early hours filled his lungs and the smell of the forest, the earth and the subtle humidity of the dew made him smile as he jogged. The voice of the radio host talked through his earbuds, letting him know the latest news of the world. He could get used to life in the mountains. Maybe he could find a way to stay there, or somewhere similar, where he could just run into the forest and forget about the duties and trials he still had to face.</p><p>A pat on his back dragged him back to reality.</p><p>He stopped on the road, taking off his earbuds. A couple of steps ahead, Berthold waved at him, smiling widely as he passed Reiner by. He stopped for a second and Reiner smiled back at him. Then, he turned around and kept running, turning to the right, down to the kreek that ran somewhere near.</p><p>Reiner chuckled, his heart still pounding against his chest. In utter disbelief, it took him a minute to realise that the man who had just outrun him was the same he had left in the adjacent bunk bed, deeply asleep, his bed sheet curled around his legs. But the little smile that had pulled his lips up proved to him that, underneath the disbelief, there was something else, another feeling awakened by the sudden appearance. In silence, he watched Bertholdt go, and then he got back on the road, not daring to follow him just yet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, hey, hey! Second part here!</p><p>I'm so thankful for the comments, the hits and the kudos. They really encourage me to keep writing!!</p><p>Now that the story is taking shape I think it'll have about 4 parts, maybe 5... And it gets *more interesting* from now on hehe. Enjoy!! (And let me know in the comments if you liked it!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No, no way,” declared Reiner, arms crossed.</p><p>“Oh, come on!” Porco huffed, rolling his eyes.</p><p>The whole team was still in the dining room, after dinner. Marcel and Bertholdt were back in the kitchenette, washing the dishes as it was their turn that night. Around the table, Reiner and the three remaining members discussed heatedly. To be more precise, Reiner and Porco argued while Pieck and Annie watched, more or less entertained.</p><p>“Marcel! Knock some sense into you brother!” Reiner turned around as the other Galliard brother came back to the room to pick up a couple of half-empty glasses still on the table.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, calmly.</p><p>Porco looked at his brother and his facial expression softened notably.</p><p>“I’m just sayin that it’d do no harm if we go out just for once! We spend all our time here or in the mountains, training. I’m tired and bored and I’m really starting to think that I’m going to lose my mind if I stay in this godforsaken camp for another day”. A little more dramatic than what was necessary, Porco sighed and sat down, letting the lower half of his body slide down the chair. “I’m about to go full Jack Torrance” he muttered, miserably.</p><p>Reiner rolled his eyes and heard Marcel chuckling behind him, his hands still busy with the glasses. From the kitchen door, Berthold’s head poked out.</p><p>“What are you guys talking about?”</p><p>“Come on, Bert, be the voice of reason” Marcel said, optimistically. “My brother thinks that we should go out tonight.”</p><p>“Yes!!” Suddenly resurrected, Porco’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “There’s a village near here, we can go and come back before sunrise.”</p><p>“Before sunrise?!” Reiner blurted, his eyes opening in surprise. “You were expecting to stay until later?”</p><p>Porco shrugged it off and shook his head, but Pieck spoke before he could.</p><p>“I think it’s a good idea. You’re a bit too stiff, Reiner. And even our new captain needs to relax from time to time” she said, resting a hand on Reiners shoulder and directing a dreamy look towards Bertholdt, still wearing the apron with soap and water stains in it. </p><p>The tall man flinched when he felt everyone’s eyes on him, startled by the sudden attention.</p><p>“Alright, then” Reiner gave in, relaxing under Pieck’s hand and finally letting a smile grow on his lips. His hazel eyes looked for Bertholdt’s deep green ones. “What does the captain want to do?”</p><p>***</p><p>It was around 9pm when the whole team left the camp, walking down the road to the village Porco had mentioned. The summer afternoon seemed to stretch until infinity, and night was just taking over when they left. The clear star-dressed night sky started to tint the intense orange and yellow tones of the sunset and, somewhere around them, what it sounded like a million cicadas sang their vibrant song.</p><p>Reiner looked at the squad and smiled, feeling a bit foolish. He would hate to admit it before Porco, but it was a good idea. That stubborn little prick was right: they needed to rest and to forget about their duties for a while. In fact, everyone looked cheerful and talked casually as they walked. Even Annie was smiling from time to time. That was definitely impressive.</p><p>It didn’t take them long to locate the only bar in town, a little pub without a name tag on the front door, opened wide for everyone who wanted to get in. Inside, the atmosphere was pretty calm; not many people around. In fact, the whole team doubled the capacity when they entered. They picked a large table in a corner, and Reiner approached the bar to ask for a couple of drinks for the team.</p><p>“Hey” a soft voice and a tap on his back made him turn around. Bertholdt was there, beaming like the sun. He seemed genuinely happy, and for some reason that made Reiner smile too.</p><p>“Hey” he answered, in the same tone, and they both leaned against the bar as the bartender served half a dozen pints. There was a brief silence, during which Reiner sneaked peeks at Bertholdt, trying to come up with something to say before the pause grew too long.</p><p>“Could we consider this my <em> second </em> success as team leader?” Bertholdt suggested. He was clearly joking but, besides letting out a soft chuckle, Reiner tried to pretend to be pretty serious about it. The last mission in which Bertholdt had been captain, the one through the forest, had gone pretty smoothly. Even Zeke had praised him for his “surprisingly successful and apparently spontaneous leadership skills”.</p><p>“We’ll have to wait until the night is over” Reiner answered, with a smile on his lips as he paid the beers. Turning towards Berthold, he added: “Do you agree, captain?”</p><p>Reiner couldn’t tell if it was the lighting in the bar or if it had really happened, but he would have swore that, before taking a couple of the pints and heading back to the table, Bertholdt's cheeks had turned red.</p><p>The squad took the first two rounds sitting on the table. On the third one, Porco convinced Pieck to follow him to the dancefloor and, although they were alone, they began to dance to the rhythm of the music: an 80’s throwback playlist. A couple of songs later, Marcel joined and, to everyone’s surprise, Bertholdt did it too soon after. Reiner watched him go with the others, astonished. However, neither Annie nor him moved for the moment, perhaps too shy or too sober to dance. But it only took them another beer and Porco coming to them yelling out loud with his face all read and sweaty to join the rest.</p><p>Reiner didn’t know the lyrics to any of the songs, but he didn’t mind a bit. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the heat, or the fact that he hadn’t felt this breezy in months, but he really felt like letting go of any worry and just enjoying the night. </p><p>Porco, absolutely wasted, monopolised most of the dancefloor with his explosive, over the top movements, singing every single song at the top of his lungs. Marcel elbowed Reiner and they both laughed, enjoying the show his little brother was giving. Pieck was clapping and cheering as if her life depended on it.</p><p>“I’m glad that we came,” Marcel said, raising his voice and getting closer to Reiner’s ear so he could hear him. “It’s good to see you smile!” he added, patting Reiner’s arm.</p><p>The blond man smiled even wider and shrugged, feeling all light-headed and giggly.</p><p>“I’m a funny guy when I want to” he said, vaguely, which apparently was pretty funny to Marcel, who burst into laughter as he nodded.</p><p>Shrugging again, very nonchalant, Reiner raised his gaze and, for a moment, his eyes met Bertholdt’s, across the dancefloor. He was talking to Annie in a similar way in which Marcel and Reiner himself had to talk, leaning closer to each other and raising their voices. Reiner reclined against the bar, resting his elbows on the wooden surface as Marcel left to join Pieck and Porco. Somehow, he kept peeping at Bertholdt, trying not to be too obvious. Reiner smiled as he noticed that he was so tall he had to bend in order to talk to Annie. To be completely fair, he would have to do it even with Reiner himself, despite him being the second tallest in the squad. But he wasn’t too tall; not for Reiner, at least. </p><p>There was something pretty sweet in him, Reiner thought. Any other person with his height would probably come off as intimidating or menacing, but not Bertholdt. He was always kind, always ready to help. Smart, loyal, friendly, calm, honest. And he was pretty handsome too. The idea popped suddenly in Reiner’s head. <em> Heck it </em>, he was very good-looking, with his dark hair, sun-kissed skin and eyes green and grey like the forest and the mountains and… Suddenly those eyes were gazing directly at Reiner. </p><p>He looked back, paralised, and gulped before quickly looking away. Why was he having such thoughts? How long had he been staring like a total creep? What was wrong with him? Suddenly, the dizziness of alcohol wasn’t comfortable anymore, and he was feeling sweaty, and it was too hot in there, the music too loud and the light too bright but too low at the same time. He took a deep breath and walked straight towards the door.</p><p>“Reiner!” Marcel stopped him when he already had a foot outside. “Is everything alright?”</p><p>Reiner took a quick breath and tried to smile calmly, with not much success.</p><p>“Yeah, I just need a bit of fresh air” he murmured, nodding.</p><p>Marcel let him go, not very convinced. However, Reiner didn’t go far. He stayed right beside the opened door of the bar, from where the sound of the music could still reach his ears. He rested his back against the wall and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. What happened there? What was that? He tried to find a rational explanation for his thoughts and behaviour, but all he could think about, the only image hitting his brain once and again was Bertholdt, leaning closer to Annie as she spoke in his ear, and him laughing with what she said, and answering enthusiastically… And suddenly, he came to the mortifying conclusion, to the only reasonable answer to his questions. The piece left in the puzzle.</p><p>Someone came out of the bar. It was Marcel, followed by Annie and Berthold himself. They sat near Reiner, Annie and Berthold on the floor and Marcel on a nearby bench. It wasn’t long until Pieck and Porco appeared, still mumbling random songs, laughing, all giddy and tipsy. Reiner looked at them all, skeptical, and sighed.</p><p>“Are you all following me?”</p><p>“You’re our duck mum, Reiner,” Porco said, giggling and pinching one of Reiner’s cheeks to pull it. “We just follow you!”</p><p>Reiner shook Porco’s hand away and pondered the idea of punching him, just a little, just for once. Instead, he ended up lightly slapping the back of his head and, when Porco offered him a cigarette, he accepted it gladly. He rested against the wall anew, the effect of the alcohol fading slowly as he took a drag and breathed out the smoke. Trying to be more subtle, he peeped at Bertholdt. </p><p>Maybe he didn’t notice the way in which Reiner had looked at him. At least he didn’t seem disturbed at all.</p><p>***</p><p>The squad bought a dozen beer bottles, enough to last the night, and left right before midnight, when the bar was about to close. However, their night out wasn’t over.</p><p>It was Pieck who suggested going to a spot she liked, near a pond, and maybe they could play games and drink and relax before walking back to the camp. Everyone agreed, although Reiner was still feeling a bit somber and a part of him wanted to go home as soon as possible. The other part was contemplating the possibility of getting absolutely wasted.</p><p>They sat between the trees, close enough to the road to have some sort of illumination from the streetlights and they started drinking again, playing games they came up with in the moment. One, which in Reiner’s eyes was the most ridiculous yet amusing one, consisted in making different noises which meant different instructions: a “beep” sound meant that you passed the turn to the person on your right and a “bop” directed it to the person on your left. A long “aaaaah” meant that the person in front of you was next, and a “zoom” allowed you to pass the turn to whoever you wanted. Every time you messed it up, you had to drink. Five minutes later, everyone was confused and tipsy, giggling uncontrollably.</p><p>After a while, they relaxed and began to talk.</p><p>“Reiner will be the first one graduating. By the time we follow him, he’ll be captain or, worse, commander” Porco said, all of the sudden, neither resentful nor bitter, just as a fact.</p><p>Everyone seemed to agree, but Reiner chuckled.</p><p>“There’s no way I’m leaving without you, guys.”</p><p>“You’ll have to if Zeke wants you to,” Marcel added, a bit somber. He was right. However, the idea of leaving his squad hurt him deeply. They were the Warriors, for fuck’s sake! He didn’t want to graduate if it wasn’t with them, but he knew he would have to do it if it was ordered.</p><p>“Hey, let’s not think about it now” Reiner muttered, looking down as his hands played with the laces of his boots, fidgety. Suddenly, he felt a movement on his right and turned his face to see Berthold standing up. He seemed quite serious, but still calm.</p><p>“I think I’m going to go down to the pond and take a bath” he said, dead-serious.</p><p>“What?” Marcel looked at him frowning. “Are you crazy?”</p><p>“I’m just…” Bertholdt tilted his head and clicked his tongue. “I’m sweaty and it’s hot. I’ll be back in a minute.”</p><p>And, without letting anyone stop him, he left. Solely, the team went back to trivial conversations, but it wasn’t even two minutes after when Reiner stood up too.</p><p>“There’s no way I’m letting this idiot drown,” he said as all explanation, and followed Berthold.</p><p>Near the pond, the light was notably poorer, and it took Reiner a couple of seconds to adapt his light eyes to the darkness. He found most of Bertholdt’s clothes carefully folded near a rock as tall as him and twice as wide, and could easily spot his friend’s long silhouette against the glimmering surface of black water.</p><p>“Hey, you!” Reiner yelled, walking towards the border. “What the hell are you doing?”</p><p>From the water, floating light as a feather, Bertholdt raised his head and looked in his direction before sinking in. For a moment, Reiner panicked and searched for him with his eyes, but the dark-haired man emerged some meters closer to the shore and looked at him. They stayed quiet for a moment, their eyes meeting one another. Under the light of the moon, Bertholdt’s wet skin and hair glistened as if they were covered in silver, and his eyes reflected the shadows and lights of the water. Reiner let go of a sigh he was holding.</p><p>“The water is pretty nice,” Bertholdt said casually when the moment was broken, his body effortlessly moving under the water to carry him around.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s a good idea” was Reiner’s answer, much more hesitant.</p><p>Bertholdt shrugged and glanced at him, mischievously.</p><p>“You can either come in…” he said, his long fingers running across the surface of the water. “Or I can splash you anyway.”</p><p>Reiner chuckled and peeped over his shoulder. Their friends seemed pretty entertained near the road. A little swim wouldn’t hurt him, he thought. His eyes went to Bertholdt and he looked away, a bit embarrassed as he pulled his shirt up, getting rid of it and then bending down to untie his boots and taking them off, after which came his pants. He felt<em> very </em> naked all of the sudden, even though he still had his underwear on.</p><p>“Are we really doing this?” he thought, timid, as his feet guided him to the water.</p><p>Bertholdt was right though: the water was fresh, but not too cold, and it felt soft and gentle on the skin. Reiner beamed, as a tingling sensation climbed up his stomach and finally sinked in the pond, diving in until he ran out of breath. He resurfaced with a wide smile, blinking to get the water out of his eyes and combing through his wet hair with his fingers.</p><p>“It’s good, isn’t it?” Bertholdt asked, swimming towards him, and Reiner nodded, still a bit impressed with his own behaviour, as it wasn’t the kind of thing he would normally do. </p><p>Not that he regretted it the very least. </p><p>He let Bertholdt closer, leaning on to him as he was able to rest the tip of his toes on the bottom of the pond, while Reiner had to rely on his floating skills. They both laughed when they realised it, and Reiner held Berthold a bit closer, clumsily, trying to make it not too obvious how much he was enjoying the closeness, the touch of his fresh skin, soft as the breeze that swinged across the trees around them. But the laughter died on their lips, and silence was all that was left behind as they stared at each other. Reiner held his breath when he felt Bertholdt’s hand on his arm, maybe pulling him closer. Could he…? A spark of hope glimmered in Reiner’s mind, and then burned to waste. No, it wasn’t possible. It was his imagination.</p><p>Trying not to make the situation even weirder, Reiner pulled away with a chuckle and then swam towards the shore. If he wasn’t going to dare, at least he wasn't going to provoke it either, he thought as he walked out of the water, completely soaked.</p><p>“Reiner!” Berthold’s yell came right after his wet footsteps on the rocks. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Reiner answered, rushed, looking for his clothes. “Nothing, I just…” He clicked his tongue and tried to look away, but Bertholdt’s deep green eyes were piercing right through him and there was something in them, some kind of inquisitiveness, a shadow of eagerness, that made Reiner stop. “I don’t want to make things weird between us.”</p><p>“Weird?” The answer came from Bertholdt’s mouth like a whisper. His eyes looked away, but Reiner realised that he wasn’t just avoiding him. He was looking behind the rock, to where their friends kept drinking, laughing and chatting in the distance. Reiner’s eyes followed the same direction. From where they were sitting, their friends couldn’t see them, he thought, almost ashamed of his own ideas, of the implications of having them. But when he turned his face, Bertholdt was staring at him again, with those green eyes of his, darkened by the moonlight. Reiner took a deep breath, still unsure.</p><p>Hesitantly, he leaned forward. The air between them was still. The voices of their friends sounded distant. Time seemed to stop when their lips touched, softly.</p><p>They drew back briefly, as if to make sure that everything was alright between them and a smile fluttered on both their lips, still feeling the ghost of the kiss. Without sharing another word, they moved closer, once more.</p><p>Bertholdt kissed him all of the sudden, with hunger, searching for his mouth with an avidity he had never shown before, all tongue and teeth. He placed one of his delicate hands on the back of Reiner’s head and the other went to his shoulder and trailed down his chest, making him tremble with the touch of his long fingers.</p><p>In a heartbeat, Reiner rested his hands on Bertholdt’s shoulders and pulled him closer, his eyes still closed. He suddenly realised how long he had been waiting for it, aching for something he didn’t even know he wanted that bad. Reiner gasped when he felt a bite on his lower lip and looked at Bertholdt. Silently, he smiled, amused, and lightly licked the now swollen area. Bertholdt looked away, almost embarrassed, but he was clearly holding back a smile. With a silent chuckle, Reiner placed a hand on Bertholdt’s nape and leaned in for another kiss, simply enjoying the touch of their skins together, the embrace, Bertholdt’s hands on him and his own tracing down his back, feeling the soft shapes of his muscles as their mouths kept searching for one another. It felt good. It felt like it was meant to be that way.</p><p>“Guys, everything alright down there?” Marcel’s voice drew them back to reality and they pulled away swiftly.</p><p>Reiner’s gaze went straight to the floor as he pressed his back against the rock. His heart was racing inside his chest and his breathing was heavy.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re fine! We’ll be back in a minute!” he yelled back, turning his face, but still being shielded by the rock. Then his hazel eyes looked straight at Bertholdt. His lips were still parted, glossy, and his cheeks looked slightly flushed. </p><p>“I’ll go first” he murmured, suddenly timid, as he crouched to pick up his clothes.</p><p>Reiner nodded, in silence, but he found himself unable to look away from his lean figure, still feeling the ghost of his kisses on his lips, and the taste of his mouth on his own. Bertholdt dressed up quickly, and once he had left, Reiner waited a couple of minutes more. </p><p>With a long sigh, he sat down on the shingle shore and buried the face on his own hands. The same questions roamed his mind over and over again, almost obsessively. What had happened? What was that? What was he thinking about? That was precisely the reason why he couldn’t never allow himself to relax, to act mindlessly. When he did, bad things happened. And this was bad, <em> very </em> bad indeed. What if Bertholdt was just drunk? What if he regretted it the morning after? “You’re going to ruin your friendship and your whole dynamic just because… Just because what?” he thought, enraged. “Just because you’re drunk, and stupid and…”. And because he wanted to do it. Because Bertholdt wanted it too. Because he had spent months, maybe years, denying his own feelings, his deepest desires. </p><p>Reiner took a deep breath.</p><p>No. Enough. He was making no sense. What had happened there, between them, it had been nothing but a slip. A one-time thing. Nothing to worry about. </p><p>With this in mind, he dressed up slowly. His underwear was still damp, and it felt strange to have pants on with them underneath, but he wasn’t willing to spend not even a second more there, alone with his thoughts.</p><p>“Eeeeeey, you’re alive!” Porco cheered, when he saw Reiner arrive.</p><p>The blond sat down on his right and nodded towards him.</p><p>“Are you alright, Galliard?”</p><p>Porco nodded back, with a silly smile on his face. Pieck, sitting down against a nearby tree, gave Reiner a long, reflective look, and he wondered if she knew or, perhaps, just suspected.  He gulped and it was then when he realised that Bertholdt was missing. And it wasn’t just him: Annie was missing too. He frowned lightly and elbowed Porco.</p><p>“Where’s Bert?”</p><p>“Oh, Burrito man” Porco answered. He was, somehow, still tipsy. “He left with Annie a minute ago. I don’t know, they seemed like they had a lot to talk about.”</p><p>Reiner hummed softly and tried to keep his act together as a feeling of bitterness crept up his throat. </p><p>“You, fool” Reiner thought, full of remorse. “How could you be so delusional?”</p><p>***</p><p>Reiner was lying on his bed, wide awake. He could hear his peers’ softh breathings as they slept peacefully around him. He checked the time on his phone: it was almost 2 in the morning. Bertholdt and Annie hadn’t returned yet. </p><p>“Come on, they’re old enough” Pieck said, when they took the road back to the camp without them two.</p><p>“Yeah, don’t worry, duck mum” Porco added, for Reiner’s irritation. “Let your ducklings fly free.”</p><p>With a long sigh, he turned around on the mattress for the thousandth time, feeling uneasy, foolish, and even embarrassed. Suddenly the door creaked and opened, shading weak rays of light into the bedroom. Reiner closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep when he heard Annie’s and Bertholdt’s voices, not louder than whispers as they sneaked in. The bunk bed trembled slightly as Bertholdt climbed to his spot, right beside Reiner, and the later held his breath for a second, aware of his presence, of his gaze piercing through the darkness to lay on Reiner’s nape.</p><p>However, he didn’t turn around. He couldn’t, still too mortified to face him.</p><p>Then he heard Bertholdt lay down, and a moment after he was breathing slowly, probably asleep. It was just then when Reiner turned around, the bedsheet twisting around his hip. Berthold had his back to him. </p><p>He felt tempted to reach out and touch, just like he had done many times before, whenever they ran past each other in the mornings, but he didn’t. Instead, he also turned his back on him and closed his eyes. </p><p>There wasn’t much time until the morning.</p><p>***</p><p>Reiner didn’t put on his earbuds when he went running in the morning, so he heard his footsteps as he arrived at the bifurcation that led to the creek.</p><p>Berthold patted his back, as soft as he always did, when he outran Reiner and then trotted a couple of steps before stopping. He was wearing knee-long sweatpants and a dark blue sweater. He looked tired, his tan skin dull and his eye bags a bit dark. The hood covered his dark hair, but when he gazed up, Reiner could only think about how handsome he looked. How dreamy, sleepy and lovely. How much he wanted to kiss him again.</p><p>A tingling sensation settled down in his stomach and his mouth went dry, his hazel eyes meeting the grey and green of the opposite. </p><p>Berthold held his gaze, then he took the path to the creek. </p><p>Reiner followed him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's something in the air down the riverside... And Zeke is back at it again being a complete arsehole- I mean, just doing his job.</p><p>Thanks for reading!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bertholdt was standing near the creek, his gaze turned to the water. Reiner peeped back, finding the road empty, and then looked at Bertholdt, gently letting out a breath. </p><p>“Hey, Bert” Reiner said, daring to take a couple of steps in his direction. Bertholdt's lack of reaction made him feel a little bit restless, fiddling with the cord on the waist of his sweatpants almost as a reflex. “I thought you’d stay in bed today” he insisted, with a soft, unconvincing chuckle.</p><p>The running water answered him and, about to give up, Reiner wondered if Bertholdt was even listening. Maybe he was building up the courage to tell Reiner to forget about it all. Maybe he felt remorse, or shame. It had been a mistake, Reiner thought, as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. But suddenly he felt a pair of eyes on him. Two glistening, beautiful green and grey eyes. Reiner held his breath for an instant. The corner of his lips curled slowly into a smile as he realised that there was no shame in Bertholdt’s face.</p><p>“I like these morning jogs,” he simply said, shrugging.</p><p>Reiner beamed at the taller man and mimicked him, shrugging as well.</p><p>“And how was the night? How was Annie?” Reiner asked, dropping the question almost casually. But the underlying doubt in Reiner’s voice didn’t escape Bertholdt.</p><p>He giggled, the smile reaching up to his eyes, and turned to Reiner, his hands hidden in the pocket of his hoodie. </p><p>“Annie?”</p><p>“Uhm” Reiner hummed, nodding. “You two seemed pretty amused last night.”</p><p>“Well, I was, yeah” Bertholdt replied, beaming. There was a short pause and another chuckle. Reiner felt his cheeks warming up. “Are you jealous, Reiner?” the dark-haired man asked, pleased.</p><p>Reiner let out a trembling chortle and looked away. He knew even his ears would look red at that point. How silly he felt, standing there and dropping accusations when he knew how close Annie and Bertholdt were.</p><p>“Perhaps you two…”</p><p>With a cheerful laughter, Bertholdt cut his friend off. Then he gave Reiner a slightly coy look. Reiner stared back and tried not to smile as wide as he wanted while Bertholdt took some steps in his direction.</p><p>“Do you want to know what we were talking about?” </p><p>Taken aback by Bertholdt’s sudden flirty attitude, Reiner nibbled his lower lip but stayed right where he was, beaming, and nodded.</p><p>“We were talking… Just talking.” When he was close enough, he rested both hands on Reiner’s shoulders and slowly began to run them up to his neck, sending shivers down his spine with every caress. “About you.”</p><p>Bertholdt placed a hand on Reiner’s cheek, cupping his face in a totally casual manner. His thumb caressed Reiner’s skin gently and his eyes were fixed on the opposite. Reiner gulped, the mere touch of Bertholdt’s hand being enough to dazzle him. His hazel eyes darted a quick glance to Bertholdt’s lips. Almost as a plea, the words left his mouth:</p><p>“Can you…?” </p><p>Reiner’s question lingered in the air, incomplete, when Bertholdt leaned in and took his lips in a soft kiss, followed by another, and another one after that, each one of them deeper and slower than the previous one. Reiner closed his eyes and soon he got carried away by the pace of Bertholdt’s kisses and the slow, sweet movements of his tongue. Twisting the edge of Bertholdt’s shirt in his hand, Reiner pulled him closer, and when their lips parted, he kept him close enough to feel his breathing, heavy and arduous. </p><p>“And what did she say about me?” Reiner asked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully and pulling another chuckle from Bertholdt’s wet, blushy lips.</p><p>“That’s none of your business” he answered, amused, but when he leaned in for another kiss, Reiner pulled back and grinned, frisky. For a minute, he played with Bertholdt’s patience, avoiding him when their lips were barely touching. Bertholdt glared at him, overly offended. With a grin on his face, Reiner moved closer and gently took Bertholdt’s lower lip between his teeth, biting until he heard a faint moan, unheard if they hadn’t been that close. “Fuck” Bertholdt grunted as they pulled away, exhaling.</p><p>“Are we cursing now?” asked Reiner, laughing under his breath.</p><p>Bertholdt’s eyes met his own and a half smile fluttered on his lips; a smile Reiner didn’t know how to read. He was too busy looking at his face, at every single detail, perfectly visible from such a short distance. Bertholdt had never come across as bold or daring, he thought. He always let others speak above himself, and rarely was the one to take the first step if he could avoid it. And yet, alone as they were, he seemed so relaxed and nonchalant, so naturally charming and surprisingly adventurous, that Reiner began to wonder how much of his usual persona was really him. The idea struck him like a cannonball.</p><p>“How many people have seen you like I see you now?” he thought, without uttering the question, keeping it to himself somewhere deep in his mind as a sweet thought, a puzzle he didn’t want to solve.</p><p>But the smile that curved his lips was keeping no secrets.</p><p>“What?” Bertholdt asked, as if he didn’t know already, one of his hands reaching up and resting on Reiner’s nape, the tips of his fingers caressing through the short, blond hair.</p><p>A chuckle escaped Reiner’s mouth, without him thinking of it. He was feeling too giddy, his mind somewhere far away, miles above lost among the clouds. Curling a hand around the edges of Bertholdt’s sweater, he pulled a little closer and his nose brushed against the opposite.</p><p>“What?” Reiner mirrored, in a softer voice, almost a whisper.</p><p>He saw Bertholdt’s smile before he felt his lips on his own, once again, this time for no more than a heartbeat before he took a step back. Reiner caught a glimpse of reluctance in Bertholdt’s eyes as he bit his lower lip. Then he grabbed the edges of the sweater and pulled up to take it off, carrying the white shirt he wore under the sweater with it and leaving his skin uncovered. Bertholdt dropped the fabric at his feet and his eyes roamed around, a blush slowly tinting his cheeks. When their eyes met, Bertholdt nodded in his direction, daringly, and a grin grew in Reiner’s lips.</p><p>“Not here” he said, almost unable to keep a chuckle from breaking his voice.</p><p>The blush turned deeper in Bertholdt’s cheeks and, by the feeling of his own face, Reiner could tell that he probably looked like a perfectly ripe strawberry by then. Nonetheless, he breathed out and tried to adopt a more serious facade, attempting to hide how giddy he felt, out of pure arousal. He had seen Bertholdt shirtless countless times, during the training, in the barracks, even fully naked in the showers. But, after last night, he now knew something else. He knew the touch of his skin, how soft it felt on his fingertips. He had breathed against it and had felt its warmth, and the only clear thought that occupied his mind at the moment was how bad he wanted to feel it again, touch it, kiss it, and…</p><p>“Come on” Bertholdt whispered, a couple of steps away, moving closer to the grove that surrounded the riverside, abandoning his clothes on the pebbles. Reiner rushed, taking his own shirt off as he followed Berthold back into the forest, the green leaf roof carefully filtering golden sunbeams as if it wanted to create a perfectly intimate atmosphere just for them. </p><p>Reiner’s gaze fixed on Bertholdt’s back, delighted to discover the myriad of small freckles that covered the sun kissed skin of his shoulders, a detail he had never paid attention to. Unable to restrain his impatience, he reached forward and grabbed Bertholdt’s arm, firm but still gently, his fingers curling around the feather-soft skin, making him turn around. It seemed like they both had run out of words, maybe too aware to utter a single sound, but there was no conversation when Bertholdt stepped back to lean against a nearby tree, pulling Reiner with him until their faces were mere inches from one another. As he had done before, Bertholdt rested a hand on Reiners' nape, carefully, the tips of his fingers buried in the blond hair as he pushed closer. </p><p>And, suddenly, there was no shame or concern to think about. No training camp or career prospects. No expectations, pressure or stress. There was no Zeke, no team captain, no Warriors. There was only them, alone in the woods, their bodies against each other and the sound of their breaths, heavy and hurried, as they took each other’s remaining clothes off.</p><p>***</p><p>They should be back soon, Reiner thought while he lied on the rocky riverside, face up, bathed by a sun that looked up enough in the sky to be already passed 8 in the morning. However, he felt no rush. Bertholdt came to his side and sat down. Out of the corner of his eye Reiner saw drops sliding down his skin, wetting the pebbles under him. A soft chuckle escaped from his lips, and Reiner closed his eyes, turning again towards the clear blue sky.</p><p>“What are you laughing about?” Reiner asked, pressing his lips together. There was something about Bertholdt’s laugh that made it hard for him not to mirror.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>Reiner clicked his tongue and opened a single eye to cast a quick glance in Bertholdt’s direction, with a slight frown. “Liar”.</p><p>“I’m not laughing,” Bertholdt answered with another giggle; then he laid down beside Reiner and covered his eyes with a hand, to avoid the direct sunlight. Both were still completely naked, unbothered. Reiner couldn’t recall the last time he felt so free.</p><p>“I just…” Bertholdt’s voice interrupted his contemplation. Reiner looked in his direction and a pair of deep green eyes stared back, almost innocent. Reiner struggled to hold back the urgent desire to touch the glistening, damp skin of his arm. Another grin curved Bertholdt’s lips, somehow a mix between timidity and mischief. “I didn’t know you were <em> like this </em>” he said, adding a special cadence to those last words as he looked away, his cheeks subtly flushing.</p><p>“Like this?” Reiner repeated, inquisitive. </p><p>Bertholdt scratched the back of his head, his gaze still evading Reiner’s, but clearly smiling. Moved by curiosity, Reiner sat up and pinched Bertholdt’s side, indulging in his own desires, even if it was in the most minimal way. </p><p>“Like…” Bertholdt uttered, on the verge of laughter as he flinched with the sudden touch. “Forget it, we should go back” he said then, dodging the topic and sitting up as Reiner had done before. Their eyes met for a moment and Reiner found himself unable to keep a serious face, leaning a bit closer, slowly, as though asking for permission right before their smiles pressed against each other. Reiner cupped Bertholdt’s face with both hands and pulled him a bit closer. His mouth tasted fresh like a summer breeze, and his hands, cold and wet as he embraced Reiner’s body, sent shivers down his spine. When they pulled away, they kept the physical contact, their eyes still locked.</p><p>“I didn’t know you liked boys,” Bertholdt confessed, surrendering at last. Reiner let him go with a chuckle and turned to their clothes, still abandoned in an untidy pile. He was right, after all, and they should be heading back soon. “And…” then he added, calling Reiner’s attention once more. The blond man arched an eyebrow and awaited, expectant. The triumph in Bertholdt’s smile was indubitable. “And I didn’t know you were such a bottom” he said, laughter breaking his voice halfway through the sentence.</p><p>“You little shit!” Reiner exclaimed, although he could barely suppress his laugh. By then, Bertholdt was already chortling, delighted, as he pulled his pants up.</p><p>“Come on, there’s nothing bad about it” he said, as if it justified his cockyness. “I’m just surprised, I wasn’t expecting it. Well, I wasn’t expecting to get this far, but… It was a nice surprise.” His lips were still exhibiting the most elated of smiles, and as much as Reiner would like to act all offended and even upset, he couldn’t care any less.</p><p>“You don’t get to talk like this to your team captain” he said, in an attempt to pretend some kind of serious facade.</p><p>“But do I get to fuck him?” he replied, fast as lighting, his eyebrows wiggling blithely.</p><p>Utterly surprised by the sudden shift in his attitude, Reiner let out a loud snort, his shirt already sliding down his body. “Wooow, okay calm down, Don Juan” he teased, giving him the side-eye. “Don’t get carried away.”</p><p>Bertholdt was already tying his sneakers and he looked up, still a bit conceit but his smile much softer than before. However, he was somehow right. In his 24 years of existence, Reiner could count his sexual intercourses with the fingers of a single hand. None of them had been with another man, until then. </p><p>Swiftly, they took the road back to the camp. Soon Reiner discovered that his body still felt sore, particularly in certain areas. It made total sense, he thought, regretting having disregarded Bertholdt’s warnings when he, the voice of experience, told Reinerthat it would hurt at least a little bit.</p><p>“It’s alright” Reiner had answered, too drowned in arousal to ponder the possible consequences of what they were about to do. “Just do it”. At the moment, all he could think about  was the warmth of Bertholdt’s body against his own. His chest against Reiner’s back, and his breath on the back of his head as he moved, slowly, grabbing his hips firmly, grunting all too lowly near his ear… Bertholdt was right: it had hurt. Not that he enjoyed it any less because of that.</p><p>A pat on his back brought him back to reality. Bertholdt nodded at him, silently smiling as he began to speed up. “Come on, captain” he teased with a soft chuckle, his long legs effortlessly taking him away from Reiner, who grinned back, wondering if his thoughts were written in his face and feeling a faint blush tinting his cheeks. “What? Are you tired?”.</p><p>Driven by the challenging tone of Bertholdt's voice, Reiner accelerated his pace and pointed at the tall, dark haired man that smiled at him in delight.</p><p>“I’m not letting you win!”</p><p>By the time they arrived at the camp, both were sweaty, exhausted, their breathings quick and hard. Reiner bent down, his hands resting on his knees, breathless.</p><p>“Holy fuck, where were you two?” Porco complained. He looked perfectly clean and fresh. He probably had jumped out of bed less than an hour before. </p><p>Reiner didn’t even bother to reply. He was too busy looking past him at Bertholdt, as he stretched his muscles, rolling his articulations and delicately pulling his head to the sides to ease the tension on his neck. A smile beamed in Reiner’s lips, silently recalling what had happened in the woods.</p><p>***</p><p>Porco was looking at him, his brow furrowed and his eyes glowing with determination. His feet shoulder-width apart and his arms flexed, he held both fists up, clenched in tension but without rigidity.</p><p>“Ready?” he said, slightly tilting his chin up.</p><p>Reiner nodded and took the same posture. “Ready,” he assured.</p><p>Porco delivered the first blow, as he usually did. He was quick to act, too impatient, Reiner thought, raising his forearms in defense before striking back. He also tended to leave his left side uncovered and relied too much on his strength and too little on strategy. On the other hand, he was quicker and nimbler than Reiner, so he had to make an extra effort to anticipate his opponent’s movements and trust his weight and defensive skills. Nevertheless, training with Porco was always challenging and always fun. Especially when he got too competitive, as the fight got more heated. Then he’d start making mistakes.</p><p>“Come on, Reiner,” Porco said, as he stopped another punch, smoothly. “Are you tired already?” he teased, chuckling.</p><p>Reiner clicked his tongue and gave him an unimpressed look. Then he took a step forward and hit him a right hand under his armpit, right on the ribs. Porco backed up, turning to protect his side, and then Reiner threw a kick right below Porco’s waist, making him lose his balance. He landed on the dusty floor with a loud, displeased grunt, and relaxed his body. Reiner held out his hand, with a content smile, but Porco refused to accept the help and got up on his own, dusting off his clothes, with a mix of anger and embarrassment on his face.</p><p>“Some of us work a little harder than the others,” Reiner said, trying to hold back a wider smile, as he didn’t want to feed Porco’s annoyance, but still finding it quite funny.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, keep that bullshit to yourself” he spat, rolling his shoulders back and bending to the sides to stretch his hips.</p><p>The cadets were training in the wide terrain in front of the dorms, where the floor was flat enough for them to have space and comfort. Every other day, they would get in pairs and take rounds to fight each other. But practice wasn’t everything: it was also a chance to learn from the opponent, to acquire other abilities such as temperance, patience and to remain calm in the middle of a challenging situation. All cardinal abilities for them, if they aimed to graduate any time soon.</p><p>Reiner’s eyes roamed the place as both him and Porco took a minute to rest. Marcel was struggling to dodge Annie’s fatal kicks. Reiner had not been paying attention the whole time, but he was sure that the girl had won at least four rounds. Then his eyes landed on Bertholdt and Pieck. They were a disparate pair, him being much taller than her. However, despite her height and her overall calm attitude, Pieck could be fierce if needed. And she wasn’t making it easy for Bertholdt, giving no truce.</p><p>“Hey!” Porco barked, calling his attention. “What are you looking at?” he demanded, going back to his fighting stance, ready for another round.</p><p>Reiner kept quiet and prepared himself. Normally, after a defeat, Porco would come back harder, charged with the urge of proving himself and everyone around what he was really capable of. After the first few blows, Reiner was already alert, his body tense, trying to anticipate each swift, sharp movement.</p><p>“If I kick your ass,” Porco said, suddenly, his voice breathy and his smile as piercing as his glare, “do you think I’ll get Zeke to promote me before you?”</p><p>The question caught Reiner off guard and Porco took that split of a second to drive his fist right below Reiner’s chest to the solar plexus. Reiner grunted and stepped back, looking up at Porco with fierceness in his eyes. How bad he wanted to kick that shit-eating grin off his face.</p><p>Suddenly, the sound of car wheels over the gravel floor caught Reiner’s attention. The brown 4x4 stopped near them, and Zeke jumped outside. The whole group stopped their training, all six pairs of eyes fixed on their superior.</p><p>“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?” Reiner murmured, his eyes giving a quick glance first at Porco, on his side, and then towards Bertholdt, in the distance.</p><p>“Good morning, Warriors” Zeke greeted, cynically, as he walked towards them, his sandals dragging through the dusty floor. The troop saluted back and stood still in a single row. Such docile behaviour brought a smirk to Zeke’s lips. He promenaded in front of them, clearly enjoying his position as Captain and immediate superior. After a minute that felt like an eternity, he directed his sly gaze towards Reiner.</p><p>“Braun, with me” he ordered, turning around and walking away. “The rest, resume the training.”</p><p>Reiner stood in his place for a second, unable to move a single muscle. His eyes searched for his peers’ gaze, suddenly boiling in anxiety as he realised what could be happening. Snapping back into reality, he followed Zeke, taking a couple of quick steps until he reached his side. When they were at the borders of the camp, he peeped over his shoulder, finding Bertholdt’s gaze fixed on him, with a mix of worry and encouragement painted on them.</p><p>“Let’s take a walk” Zeke said, shortly, and Reiner nodded in silence, following the path into the woods, parallel to the road. A way he had taken so many times before, the last one that very morning… In such different circumstances. Silence grew thicker as they got deeper into the forest, but Reiner didn’t dare to break it. He knew he had to wait until Zeke decided to speak, but his impatience was becoming unbearable, slowly vibrating through his body, setting in his stomach as an annoying tingle. </p><p>Zeke stopped abruptly in a clearing, Reiner almost tripping with his own feet, surprised. Calmly, the Captain pulled a pack of cigarettes out of a pocket and lit one in total parsimony. He held the pack in Reiner’s direction as an offer.</p><p>“No, thanks, sir,” he answered. It wouldn’t make him look good if he smoked in front of the Captain.</p><p>Zeke nodded, apparently satisfied, and took a long drag, exhaling out the smoke into the misty forest air. Reiner looked how it went up and dissolved, and suddenly regretted his choice, imagining how good it would feel if he could take just one drag.</p><p>The sudden sound of Zeke’s deep voice jolted him back to reality.</p><p>“Would you like to become Vice Captain?”</p><p>Reiner stood still for an instant, aghast.</p><p>“Sir?” he managed to utter, still processing Zeke’s words.</p><p>“It was a simple question, Braun, don’t make me repeat it” was Zeke’s answer, totally unamused, as he kept smoking peacefully. After a brief pause in which Reiner had kept quiet, still too shocked to assemble a coherent phrase, he resumed: “I want you in my team, Reiner. I’ve spoken to my superiors, General Magath among others. I’ve told them about you, and they all seem pretty impressed.” </p><p>Zeke Yeager wanted him in his team. Furthermore, he wanted him, Reiner Braun, to be promoted to Vice Captain. Slowly, a smile began to curve his lips. Vice Captain. It sounded utterly surreal, out of reach. But it wasn’t. His performance had been good enough to impress a General. All those thoughts piled up in Reiner’s mind, in an over excited mess. A laugh escaped from his mouth and, when his eyes met the Captain’s gaze, Zeke was smiling with satisfaction.</p><p>“You’re welcome” Zeke said, with a chuckle, offering the cigarette pack again. This time Reiner did not reject it.</p><p>On his way back to the camp, Reiner felt like he was walking meters above the ground, light as a feather, almost vibrating in pure excitement. Zeke’s words were still ringing in his ears, too good to be true. And yet, it seemed more than likely that soon he’d be heading back to the headquarters, getting ready for his new position.</p><p>But moving out of the camp meant something else. The end of the training period, the end of the Warriors. The beginning of a new chapter in his life which required to leave the former one behind. Away from what he knew, from his friends and family. Away from Marcel, Annie, Pieck and Porco. Away from Bertholdt, maybe forever. A bitter feeling clutched his stomach and set a knot in his throat. “Stop”, he thought, trying to swallow it. “You can’t let this affect you. Let it go, Reiner. Focus on your future.” And, as he said so, he took the firm decision of ignoring those dreary thoughts for the moment. But it wasn’t as easy when he had to face Bertholdt, as he met his peers back in the barracks.</p><p>Despite the warm smile, Reiner saw a shade of grief in his gaze.</p><p>***</p><p>“So… Vice Captain…” Bertholdt’s voice sounded almost like a sigh when he spoke.</p><p>Reiner peeked at him and swallowed, nodding. Despite the initial rush of happiness, he had ignored the topic for the rest of the day. There was a bittersweet taste in the back of his throat, and every time he thought about Zeke’s words, anguish clenched his guts until it made him feel sick.</p><p>“It’s a possibility” he murmured, his hazel eyes darting quick glances in Bertholdt’s direction, trying to read the expression in his face, without any success.</p><p>Of course, Reiner had kept some of the information to himself. He chose his words carefully, making them believe that his promotion was little more than a remote possibility. Which was, to his own shame, pretty far from what Zeke had told him. Barely a day had passed, but Reiner was already exhausted from keeping up with the lie. He wondered, as he gave another quick look, if Bertholdt had believed him at some point. </p><p>Suddenly he looked back, his greyish green eyes reflecting the moonlight. Reiner didn’t bother to pretend he was looking away. They were alone after dinner, sitting on the grass against the back wall of the dining hall.</p><p>The silence prolonged through the seconds, their eyes locked, without a glimpse of awkwardness. There were so many things Reiner would like to say. “I’m sorry”. “I’ll miss you”. “I don’t want to leave if it means leaving you behind”. “Please hold me, touch me”. “Kiss me”. “Now. Please. Do it”. The words died before he had the courage to utter any, but, as if he could read him like an opened book, Bertholdt raised a hand to rest it on Reiner’s face, tenderly cupping it. Reiner turned his face to kiss the palm of that hand and a smile bloomed in Bertholdt’s lips, which slowly moved closer, until they were pressed against his own. Reiner could still feel his taste when he pulled away.</p><p>“I was thinking about the day we met,” Bertholdt said, still cupping Reiner’s face.</p><p>He chuckled, slightly furrowing his brow in amazement. </p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And… I was just wondering… When did <em> this </em> began.”</p><p>The day they met felt like a distant memory, almost dreamlike, but Reiner had kept it somewhere in his mind as a cherished, precious present. They were younger, maybe more innocent; definitely more nervous. But, in the middle of the chaos, the unknown faces and the yelled orders, Reiner had found a kind face, a gentle gaze and the sweetest of all smiles. </p><p>It had always been a mystery why a man like Bertholdt had joined the military, but Reiner never asked. He simply thanked God, if there was such a thing, for bringing him into his life.</p><p>Their friendship bloomed quickly. At first, Reiner had thought of him as though any other peer. It was natural, after hours of training and sharing everything. Quite literally. From the food to the bunk beds, showers, changing rooms, training gear and equipment… Even the sweets and pastries their relatives sent them with their letters. The whole team shared them, but Bertholdt always seemed to spare some more solely for Reiner, and he ended up doing the same. But that was normal too, wasn’t it? Just what any other friend would do. Thus, Reiner carried on with his training and normalised everything he felt, letting it rest in the bottom of his mind and ignoring every possible connotation that could differentiate this particular friendship from any other.</p><p>Until that night at the bar, when everything exploded right in his face.</p><p>“Does it really matter?” the blond murmured, trying to read the emotion in Bertholdt’s gaze. He looked away, his lips pursed, reflective, as his hand slipped away from Reiner’s face. His stomach clenched, hazel eyes eager, feeling the sudden urge to bring some joy back to those cloudy eyes. </p><p>Reiner looked back over his shoulder. There was no one to be seen, luckily. In the distance, he spotted the lights of the dorm behind the windows. He then turned back to Berthold and leaned closer, more confident once he was sure that they had some intimacy.</p><p>“Hey…” he whispered, sweetly, his breath warming Bertholdt’s skin as he pressed a soft kiss near his jawline. “Come on, Bert, look at me” he said, dragging the lips along his neck, his hands curling around the edges of Bertholdt’s shirt, then sliding under the fabric.</p><p>Bertholdt shivered under the touch of his fingers, but when Reiner looked up, he found a grin curling the corners of his mouth. He briefly glimpsed at Reiner, his cheeks lit up, and Reiner couldn’t help but smile back. Was he aware of how lovely he looked every time he flushed like that? Probably not, Reiner thought, running his hands up Bertholdt’s abs and then down to his hip, pulling the pants down.</p><p>“Reiner…” Bertholdt gasped, baffled, his blush tinting his ears. “Here…?”. He took a look to the sides, nervous, but he still moved his hips up and let Reiner do his thing.</p><p>“Here” Reiner declared, beaming playfully. </p><p>He moved, kneeling between Bertholdt’s legs and leaning down to kiss the soft, smooth skin of his stomach, trailing down slowly, deliberately postponing the instant in which his mouth reached Bertholdt’s cock, already hard. Reiner’s smile widened, triumphant, as he parted his lips and let it fill his mouth, wet and warm.</p><p>Sitting in front of him, Bertholdt trembled, pressing a hand against his lips to muffle a moan, sinking his fingers in Reiner’s short blond hair, to eventually grasp it and push him, not too hard yet still firmly, guiding him to suck deeper.</p><p>It was Reiner’s first time doing such a thing and, maybe in different circumstances, he would have hesitated. But he just did not care anymore. What if this was not correct? What if friends were not supposed to do what they did? Reiner emptied his mind, solely focusing on what he desired the most at that moment: to please him. He bobbed his head gently until Bertholdt came right in his mouth.</p><p>***</p><p>It was past midnight when they went back to the dorm, their feet swift and light as they climbed to the bunk bed, laying side by side with their faces turned to the ceiling. There was a moment of silence, barely filled by the sounds of breathings, both their own and their asleep peers’. A soft chuckle made Reiner turn his face to the side.</p><p>Bertholdt was covering his mouth, as he had done before, but now was trying to hold back laughter. Reiner pursed his lips and lightly slapped Bertholdt’s arm, urging him to stop, yet his giggle was too contagious, and soon Reiner found himself struggling too. </p><p>They looked at each other, both feeling silly and giggly, and Reiner felt the sudden impulse to reach out and kiss that dumb smile in Bertholdt’s lips. He restrained himself. It was too risky, even if their friends were all asleep. Bringing a finger to his lips, Reiner tried to shush both Bertholdt and himself in vain, finally letting time make their giggles die down.</p><p>Hesitant at first, Reiner moved a bit closer towards the edge of the mattress, the one closest to Bertholdt’s side. He usually slept with his back turned to him. Bertholdt was more than a restless sleeper, and one could not know in which posture he would wake up. But that night, Reiner was willing to risk a bit of his safety even if the only reward was to be mere inches closer to him.</p><p>Not daring to go any further, we extended one arm, until his fingers touched the back of Bertholdt’s hand. Slowly, he turned it, his palms upwards and their fingers meeting each other.</p><p>As his eyelids began to feel heavier, Reiner tried not to think about how much time they had left together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Finally I'm updating this little fic!<br/>Sorry for the delay, I've been struggling to focus, but I tried my best with this one. Hope you enjoyed it!<br/>As always, please take a second to leave kudos and, if you want to, a comment. They're always welcomed and I'd love to know what you think about! Thank you so much!!</p><p>Btw, if anyone's interested, you can find me on Tumblr: incorrectcats<br/>There I... Basically post all my bs, but I also post my fics and stuff!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Slowly, it became part of their daily routine. The morning jog, the road to the riverside, the cold breeze on their skin. And, as days went by, Reiner became more eager, pushed by an urgency he didn’t know before.</p><p>But after the rush was gone and his needs were satisfied he would deflate, sinking in the calm waters of the river and surrendering to the serenity of the afterglow, or maybe allowing Betholdt’s attitude to influence him. He was always so calm, his eyes looking at Reiner as if he was trying to learn by heart every little detail of his anatomy. There was peace in his manners. Too much peace, Reiner thought when a voice in the back of his head reminded him of what was to come.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Bertholdt’s voice brought him back to reality, though it wasn’t louder than a whisper.</p><p>“Huh?” Reiner turned his face, surprised.</p><p>That morning they hadn’t gone back to the river. Instead, they stayed in the grove, laying on the grass, most of their clothes still scattered around. Reiner was pulling up his pants, with his back against a tree, while Bertholdt sat on the grass, only his underwear on. His eyes looked brighter, more green than grey, as they reflected the colours of the forest. His dark hair still messy and his cheeks showing the remains of the bright blush they had before; he was absolutely adorable. Reiner found himself unable to look away for a second, until his voice sounded again.</p><p>“You look concerned.”</p><p>Reiner shrugged, his brain rushing to look for an excuse.</p><p>“Do you think they know about this?” he asked, hoping for the question to be good enough to divert Bertholdt’s attention to other places.</p><p>Bertholdt’s eyes narrowed for a moment and Reiner thought that he had failed, but eventually he relaxed and shrugged back, his lips curving in a slight smile.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” he answered, letting his back rest on the ground with a long sigh, almost a groan. He ran his hands across his dark locks and then covered his face with them, hiding what looked like a yawn from Reiner’s perspective. “If they do, I haven’t noticed. We leave before they wake up and come back in time for the training. And, anyway, we’re friends. Friends do this all the time.”</p><p>Reiner snorted at the implications of that last sentence and Bertholdt rose up abruptly, his eyes wide open and cheeks slightly blushed.</p><p>“Well, not <em> this </em>, but… You know what I mean” he said, failing to rephrase it properly, but sharing a larger smile.</p><p>When their eyes met, Reiner didn’t hesitate to hold his gaze. </p><p>“But they must wonder why are you waking up this early every day. You, out of everyone… Admit it, it’s kinda suspicious.”</p><p>It was. Bertholdt wasn’t an early bird, and it was easy to tell by the subtle darkness under his eyes and his constant yawns. </p><p>“If they ask, I’ll tell them that I’m tired of being the last one in bed every morning.”</p><p>Reiner couldn’t help but chuckle. </p><p>“Because that sounds very convincing.”</p><p>Bertholdt’s melodious laugh reached his ears almost immediately, and then he stood up, stretching a little bit before searching for his remaining clothes, calmly.</p><p>“Everything’s under control, Reiner. They won’t know” he assured, completely confident.</p><p>Still sitting under the tree, Reiner watched as the smile gradually died in his lips. It should be a good thing that nobody was noticing what they had been doing, it should make him feel reassured. But it wasn’t. </p><p>“See? You’re doing that again!” Bertholdt exclaimed, pointing at him in accusation.</p><p>“Doing what?” Reiner said, relaxing his expression as quick as possible in an attempt to look nonchalant. A clearly failed attempt by Bertholdt’s inquisitive face.</p><p>“Ah, no. Don’t play the fool with me!” was his answer, half offended half amused. “You’re looking at me like this” he added, and then furrowed his brow and glared at Reiner, in a way that was almost piercing. </p><p>“I’m not doing that,” Reiner answered, trying not to chuckle.</p><p>“Say what you want, but you’re not fooling me,” Bertholdt concluded, rolling his eyes as he hopped, pulling his sweatpants up in a way that struck Reiner as too endearing to be taken seriously.</p><p>However, not wanting to feed his anger, Reiner got up and tried to hide a smile as he approached the taller man, wrapping his arms around Bertholdt’s slim waist and pressing a soft kiss on his nape. His skin was still warm, but he shivered with the touch.</p><p>“Come on… Don’t be mad at me” Reiner murmured, his lips still touching the sun-kissed skin tracing from the back of Bertholdt’s head to his right shoulder, only to rest his chin right there in an attempt to gain his trust back, looking as lovely as he could.</p><p>“I’m not mad,” Bertholdt answered, and his expression softened when he turned his face to meet Reiner’s pleading eyes. “I just don’t like being treated like a child. If there’s something in your mind that I should know, just tell me.”</p><p>There was a short pause. Reiner looked into Bertholdt’s eyes. He almost told him. Almost.</p><p>“I’m being honest, Bert. Everything’s alright” he lied, bottling up his worries and choosing for what at the time seemed like the easy way to go.</p><p>Bertholdt clicked his tongue and looked away, unconvinced. Reiner breathed out, slowly, as his fingers traced the sides of Bertholdt’s body. He tried to come up with another excuse, something that would make him content, that would give Reiner some time. But before he could speak again, Bertholdt shook his hands off and turned around. It wasn’t a rejection, Reiner thought relieved, when Bertholdt placed his hands on the shoulders of the blond man and pulled him into a kiss. </p><p>Their lips met without any tenderness, almost aggressively, and Reiner let Bertholdt take control, closing his eyes and placing both hands on his nape to pull him closer, his thumbs pressed against the line of Bertholdt’s jaw as his lips parted to bring his tongue into Reiner’s own mouth. It was a rare sight, Bertholdt’s desperation. A man who would keep his urges and desires to his own at all time, but would show himself openly eager in front of Reiner who, in change, allowed himself to be vulnerable even if it was just for a moment.</p><p>Reiner groaned when Bertholdt’s teeth trapped his lower lip and pulled it, as his mouths parted away. Taking a step back, Reiner touched his lip. A tiny drop of blood stained his fingers. When he looked up, there was a smile on his face.</p><p>“Wow, that was-” he said, unable to finish the phrase as Bertholdt spoke over him.</p><p>“S-sorry I… I got carried away.” Suddenly flushed, Bertholdt was back into his usual self, picking up his shirt from the ground and shaking it before putting it on. </p><p>Reiner stood there for a moment his grin only growing wider until it became a giggle.</p><p>“Unexpected. That was unexpected” he managed to utter, finishing the sentence. “You’re really one of a kind” he said then, still chuckling, when he turned around to retrieve his own clothes.</p><p>From the corner of his eye, he spotted Bertholdt, his cheeks still burning in what seemed like a mix of embarrassment and arousal, managing to steal glances from him as he pretended to be very focused on tying his sneakers correctly.</p><p>***</p><p>“Uuugggh.”</p><p>Bertholdt’s jaw clenched with every movement, his teeth tight, keeping the groans inside his mouth.</p><p>“This doesn’t look good…” Marcel said, perched on the side of the bunk bed. He was leaning close to Bertholdt’s leg, his brow furrowed and his hands over the knee, pressing his thumbs softly as he forced Bertholdt to bend the leg.</p><p>“Aaaaauch” he complained, almost comically, still lying on the bed. </p><p>Reiner crossed his arms and looked in concern. It was better to leave it to Marcel, as he was more delicate than Reiner himself and would not harm Bertholdt any further.</p><p>The pain had stroke as soon as he woke up, stretching from one of his unusual sleeping postures. It was past 5am, as usual, but his yawns were soon replaced by muffled groans, and when Reiner looked at him, he could read the anguish in Bertholdt’s face as he held his injured knee.</p><p>“Do you remember when it happened?” asked Pieck. She was halfway up the ladder, only the upper part of her face visible from their perspective, but still awake enough to join the general concern. Annie was there too, the first one who woke up, now sitting on the mattress besided Reiner. Porco, still asleep, snored from his bed in the corner, completely unaware.</p><p>“It must’ve been yesterday, during the training” Bertholdt managed to answer. His eyes peeked at Reiner for a fraction of a second.</p><p>The day before they both overslept, so they had to skip the morning jog. For the whole day, Reiner had felt a kind of tension building up between them, slowly, crawling through his skin with every little touch or brief stare they shared. As if they didn’t know how to act anymore devoid of their morning affairs.</p><p>It was at sunset when they finally scrapped some time for themselves. The rest of the team was out to buy some food for the upcoming week in the village where Porco had taken them once, which gave them at least an hour. It wasn’t that much time, indeed, but for some reason Reiner found himself hesitant. Would it be okay for him to just approach Bertholdt? But, what should he say? “Hey, wanna hook up” sounded absolutely ridiculous and out of place. His hazel eyes were fixed in Bertholdt as the jeep took the road, too mesmerised to react immediately when he turned around.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” the taller man said, with curiosity in his gaze.</p><p>“Ah, uhm…” Reiner mumbled, swiftly looking away and clearing his throat. “Nothing, nothing, I just…”</p><p>And suddenly Bertholdt had walked towards him and was standing right in front of him, mere inches away, a defiant look in his face. He tilted his chin up, a thin eyebrow arched, waiting for a reply that Reiner couldn’t get out of his chest.</p><p>“I was looking at you” he spat, all of a sudden.</p><p>A moment of silence followed his words. Despite being totally alone in the camp, Reiner couldn’t get himself to feel completely safe, and having said that out loud suddenly struck him as too risky. At the same time, a rush of adrenaline hit him. With his eyes looking deep into Bertholdt’s, he felt his lips curving into a smile, as a weight left his chest. What if he was saying something like that? Who cared? No one. Not him. At least not right then and right there. He was too busy thinking about the agonizing hours he had had to wait in order to get some minutes in which Bertholdt would be there for him only.</p><p>A grin grew in Bertholdt’s lips and it reached his eyes, half joy half mischief. He held Reienr’s gaze for a moment and nodded, appearing to be satisfied, which only fed Reiner’s own self-satisfaction.</p><p>“Okay, then” he said, nonchalantly. “If you’re done, I need a shower.”</p><p>“Am I allowed to join?” Reiner asked, as Bertholdt walked away, picturing the blush that must be tinting his cheeks by then. He even heard a soft chuckle, but the dark haired man didn’t even bother turning around.</p><p>“You’re the to-be Vice Captain, figure it out yourself!” was his only answer, tearing another smile from Reiner’s lips.</p><p>The wall of the shower room felt freezing in contrast to the steamy atmosphere when Reiner pressed his back against it while Bertholdt made his way down his body, kissing every inch of his skin until he was down on his knees.</p><p>Back in the barracks, the morning after, Reiner tried to vanish those memories from his mind when he realised that his peers were looking at him.</p><p>“What?” he muttered, confused.</p><p>“We were saying” Annie explained, too calmly, “ that maybe he should stay here today. We should call Zeke, maybe he wants to take Bert to a hospital.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah” Reiner nodded, utterly mortified. How could he be fantasizing about a fucking <em> blowjob </em> while his friend was virtually unable of getting out of the bed?</p><p>“No!” Bertholdt yelled, suddenly sitting up on the mattress. “Don’t tell Zeke. I’ll rest today and I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”</p><p>“But…” Annie looked at him, visibly concerned, but when her eyes met Bertholdt’s clicked her tongue instead of finishing the phrase and jumped down from the bunk bed.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Reiner asked, and he dared to brush his fingers against Bertholdt’s arm, attracting his attention.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be fine” he assured, looking at both Reiner and Marcel as he tried to appear as positive as possible. </p><p>With an unconvinced sigh, Marcel climbed down the ladder and followed Annie and Pieck to the other corner of the room, waking up Porco even though it was still too early in the morning. Reiner saw them go but stayed where he was, on the mattress, still on his pajamas.</p><p>“I’m staying too” he said, his eyes still avoiding Bertholdt, afraid of being too embarrassed to hold his gaze.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What you heard. I’m not leaving you alone. They have an expedition practice this morning and they’ll be out for the whole day. I’ll talk to Zeke and I’ll stay.”</p><p>“Reiner, I’m fine” he insisted. Suddenly Reiner felt the soft touch of Bertholdt's fingers on the back of his hand. He tensed his body, an electric impulse running down his spine, but didn’t withdraw the hand. Instead, he turned his palm up, his fingers meeting Bertholdt’s.</p><p>“I’m staying. End of the discussion” he sentenced firmly. Still, he was unable to avoid a sweet smile when he finally met Bertholdt’s green gaze.</p><p>Throughout the whole morning, Reiner employed all of his energy in making Bertholdt feel as comfortable as possible and in taking care of him as the best nurse would. He brought breakfast to the room and a bottle of fresh water. He also helped him tidy himself up, bringing a bowl with fresh water and a towel. Then, as carefully as it was possible, he helped him climb down the ladder and walked him to the bathroom. By lunchtime, he was starting to feel a bit tired, but overall satisfied. There was something oddly magical in the act of taking care of a person he appreciated so much. This, added to the absence of people, was the perfect excuse for Reiner to just empty his mind and enjoy the day, so he had no complaints.</p><p>“I made sandwiches” he announced, as he pushed the door close with his hip, both hands busy carrying a tray.</p><p>“I’m not hungry yet,” Bertholdt said, looking down from the upper bunk bed.</p><p>Reiner left the tray on a chair at the foot of the bed and looked up, frowning slightly. He had left Bertholdt sitting on the bed below, not up there.</p><p>“Have you climbed up on your own?”</p><p>Bertholdt laughed in  answer and lied down.</p><p>“Come up here” he said, a hint of playfulness tinting his voice that Reiner could not ignore.</p><p>“Okay, but you should be more care-”</p><p>Reiner wasn’t able to finish the sentence. As soon as he got up enough in the ladder, Bertholdt grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss, muting his words. It took him off guard, but that didn’t stop him from reciprocating.</p><p>Sloppy at first, he finished climbing the ladder as he could, his lips barely leaving the opposite. Reiner slid a hand between Bertholdt’s nape and the pillow, pushing him closer and changing the angle of the kiss, trying to get a taste of his mouth. Bertholdt’s hands, as eager as his kisses, had roamed quickly down his partner’s body, pulling his shirt up enough to clear the hip area, only to start pulling his trousers down.</p><p>“Wow, wow, wait,” Reiner said, gathering all his inner strength to break the kiss.</p><p>“What?” Bertholdt had his lips parted and blushed and his thin dark hair tousled, pointing in every direction. There was a certain rush fiercely gleaming in his eyes as he splayed his hands across Reiner’s wide chest, reaching up to his shoulders to pull him into another kiss, this time a bit gentler. </p><p>“Your injury,” Reiner pointed out, barely resisting. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Bert, I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“It’s alright” Bertholdt dismissed quickly, resting his body on his elbows.</p><p>Reiner stared at him, a beam in his lips. He looked absolutely breathtaking, as he always did when he was too aroused to be coherent. In normal circumstances, Reiner would have gladly given in, but now, fully invested in his caretaker role, he wasn’t as sure.</p><p>“You’re too needy to remember, but can barely walk” he said, trying to argue back without much success, as Bertholdt’s hands were still on him, tracing up and down his arms. Tempting him to join the fun.</p><p>“Well, I’m planning on <em> not </em>being able to walk after this…” Bertholdt replied, giving him a coy look that contrasted with his words. </p><p>Reiner had to hold back a laugh as he shook his head. “Where does all this sassiness come from? I thought you were…”</p><p>“Shy? Demure? Prudish?” he blurted out in response, as his grin grew in amusement, finally eliciting a laugh from Reiner.</p><p>Feeling that Bertholdt had him on the palm of his hand, Reiner gave in and leaned into a kiss, slow and passionate, focusing on the rhythm of their mouths as they met each other, on Bertholdt’s fingers tangled in his own hair and on the way in which he had also wrapped a leg —the good one— around his hip to pull Reiner’s body closer to his own, pressing their bodies together. Now trapped on top of him, Reiner groaned softly.</p><p>With a parsimony that threatened to drive Reiner crazy, Bertholdt began to move away from his lips, first to his cheek and then trailing to his ear, where he whispered: “There are condoms in my bag, right there.” And he pointed at the wardrobe across the room.</p><p>Reiner turned his head and gave him a look of surprise, although his lips were already showing a mischievous grin.</p><p>“I give you… Two minutes.”</p><p>***</p><p>There was something unspeakably powerful in giving pleasure to someone he cared that much about, Reiner thought minutes later, when they were both naked, uncovered. His hands holding Bertholdt’s wrists pinned above his head, as he moved, firm and steady, shoving his hips harder with every thrust. He paid attention to every moan, every sound his partner made, even when he was so close to orgasm that focusing on anything but the urging sensation down below took him an unimaginable effort. He didn’t want to miss a thing, small as it could be, of Bertholdt’s reaction.</p><p>Once it was over, they kissed long and slow, still worked up and sweaty. Reiner rested on top of Bertholdt for a minute, waiting to catch a breath before he pulled out unhurriedly. Then he rolled to his bed, on the adjacent mattress, and he lied face up, his chest moving up and down at a fast pace.</p><p>After a moment, Reiner turned his head just to look at Bertholdt. He was still breathing heavily too and his hair, sweaty, was slick against his forehead. But there was a smile on his lips, wide and joyful, satisfied. And when he turned his head to face Reiner, it was like watching the sun rising after a long night. His dreamy eyes, of the deepest greyish green, almost impossible, gleamed mirroring his beam.</p><p>Moved by an impulse, Reiner reached out, brushing Bertholdt’s cheek with the back of his hand, light as a feather. Not touching him, not kissing him, not making love with him seemed like torture. The mere idea of losing moments like that was unimaginable.</p><p>“I…” The word escaped from Reiner’s mouth before he could think about it.</p><p>“Huh?” Bertholdt’s eyebrows rose, awaiting.</p><p><em> I love you </em>.</p><p>Reiner felt a lump in his throat as he realised how real it was, how real his feelings were. And how much of a problem it was. </p><p>“I like this” he said, instead, a part of him wanting to look away, but at the same time allured by the adorable look on Bertholdt’s face.</p><p>He smiled sweetly and nodded.</p><p>“I liked it too. Doing it in the woods, like animals… I mean, that’s cool too, I guess. But this was nice” he concluded, playing down the intensity of the moment.</p><p>Reiner beamed at Bertholdt and, for a moment, he wished he could get those three words out of his chest once and for all.</p><p>Later he would regret not having done it.</p><p>***</p><p>It happened a couple of days after. The sky was covered in thick clouds. A bad omen, Reiner thought, leaving the camp with a hoodie on, in case it started raining.</p><p>Trying to ignore the gloomy premonition, he ran through the forest, slowly emptying his mind to the sound of the wind moving the branches of the trees above his head and the paused, rhythmic sound of his heartbeat pounding inside his chest. But it was difficult to ignore.</p><p>Something had changed.</p><p>Between the day they spent on their own and that morning, something had changed and Reiner couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but the feeling was there, settled in his stomach, making him feel gradually worse, almost sicklish. </p><p>It all started the evening after the day of Bertholdt’s injury, right after dinner. It was a gesture so small, so subtle, that had it been any other situation, Reiner would have been unable to perceive it. For better or for worse, at the moment Reiner was too sensitive, hyper-aware of every little movement Bertholdt made. And he simply withdrew his hand.</p><p>Reiner reached out to leave a bowl in the sink and, when their hands almost touched when Bertholdt mirrored him to do the exact same thing, he removed his hand.</p><p>It was a swift movement. Just a millisecond. But when Reiner looked up and his eyes met Bertholdt’s, he saw something in them that he wasn’t expecting: reluctance. Unable to interpret such an abrupt reaction, he just let it be and tried not to think about it. But it kept repeating and, maybe caused by his own paranoia, Reiner began to perceive those reactions more intensely. The way in which Bertholdt avoided his touch in the camp; the way in which Annie’s glare pierced through him whenever he’d found her and Bertholdt talking in a hushed voice; how their conversations, even after sex, had turned into awkwrad small talk; how he rushed to get dressed and leave as soon as he could.</p><p>Something had changed, even though he was unable to tell what.</p><p>Frustrated, angry and confused, he stopped running when he reached the riverside. His spot. <em> Their </em> spot. But he was alone now. He guessed that Bertholdt wouldn’t show up that morning, but nevertheless sat down near the running water.</p><p>A thunder rumbled in the distance. The clouds had become darker, thicker, almost black. After a couple of minutes, it started to rain, but Reiner didn’t feel like moving.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi there!</p><p>Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I've been going through a big ass writers block and I couldn't get myself to write a single sentence without hating it lol.<br/>I've decided to divide the last chapter in two, first because doing this I could update it sooner and, second, because I don't want to rush the ending.</p><p>Besides this, I wanted to remark that English is not my first language so sorry if I make mistakes! I try my best not to!</p><p>This being said, as always, enjoooooy! (And let me know in the comments if you liked it!!)<br/>Thanks!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Final chapter!</p><p>After a time that seemed too good to be true, Reiner has to face the reality of his near future, his feelings, and Bertholdt's own struggles.</p><p>P.S.: It's currently 1:30am here so... Maybe I'll edit some stuff later if I find mistakes. Sorry in advance!<br/>As always: English is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Jesus, look at you.” Porco stopped himself when Reiner walked in, his hand halfway to his mouth and the donut still untouched. “You look awful.”</p><p>Reiner ignored both the joke and the offense and walked straight to the kitchen. Around the table Pieck and Marcel shrugged at Porco’s confused expression. Annie’s clear blue eyes followed the tall silhouette of the blond man until it was out of sight.</p><p>He had been sitting near the river for half an hour, as a light shower felt over him, getting his hair and clothes wet. He probably did look awful, Reiner reflected as he crossed the kitchen door, but he really was not in the mood for chit-chat. He would just grab a glass of water, a toast and leave to get ready for the training. But as he stepped in the kitchen he realised, regretting his stubbornness, that it would have been better if he had asked about Bertholdt before going in. Where else could he be if not in the kitchen, of course.</p><p>“Huh” Reiner murmured, freezed on the spot.</p><p>Berthold raised his face, deadpan, soap and water still dripping down his hands into the sink. He had been cleaning dishes. As always, so kind and considerate, Bertholdt Hoover couldn’t help it. Reiner’s gaze drifted away. Away to the floor, to the kitchen counter, to the drops of water falling to the sink. Anywhere but Bertholdt's blank expression.</p><p>“Hi,” he said awkwardly. If he wanted to grab a glass of water he would have to walk across to him, inevitably, and for that reason he just stayed still.</p><p>There was a brief silence. Bertholdt’s green eyes looked away, back to his task, but his voice rose from the quietness, almost too candid.</p><p>“You’re going to catch a cold.”</p><p>Reiner choked back a bitter chuckle and turned to the pantry, looking for a piece of bread he could probably find outside, on the table where the rest of the unit enjoyed their breakfast. As much as he wanted to flee the awkward situation, there was something nailing him to that kitchen, keeping his feet from moving too far away. An invisible string tied him to the man across the room.</p><p>“It’s fine…”</p><p>Another pause. Longer, heavier. Weighing down on Reiner like a marble slab. He kept his hands busy undoing the plastic tie around a bag of bread, but his eyes felt restless, stealing glances at Bertholdt, until their eyes met. His hands were now dry, but he was still by the sink, some sort of helplessness casting a shadow across his face. Guilt, perhaps. Reiner stopped pretending to be busy and turned around, his lower back against the counter and his arms crossed, only to avoid showing any hint of the uneasiness that had settled in his stomach and threatened to spread through his whole body.</p><p>“Bert-”</p><p>“No.” His answer came before the question, brief and almost cutting. Taken aback, Reiner frowned and waited for something more. An instant that felt eternal passed before new words followed the negative. “Let’s not do this now, Reiner.”</p><p>“Then <em>there is</em> something wrong,” Reiner said. It wasn’t a question. Bertholdt nodded, slowly at first and then quicker, his gaze dropping to the floor and his lips pursed. Anguish clutched Reiner’s stomach, and he suddenly felt sick out of pure agitation. “What is it?” he asked, and his voice sounded sharp, feeble.</p><p>Bertholdt’s nod stopped, his lips opening to let out a weak sigh. When he raised his head his eyes were closed shut and he pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning against the sink. The edges of his shirt were getting wet, but he didn’t seem to be aware of it. He looked tired.</p><p>“I said not now, Reiner. We have a lot to do today, okay?” His eyes looked for Reiner, almost pleading. “Let’s talk later.”</p><p>Reiner nodded. What else could he do? Bertholdt was right after all: they had a whole day ahead and, although the anxiety of not knowing <em>what</em> exactly was wrong wasn’t the best mood in which to start a day, it was probably better than being upset, frustrated, furious… Or depressed.</p><p>“For what it’s worth…” Bertholdt’s voice dragged him back to reality. He was already on the threshold, with his back turned to Reiner.  “It won’t make any difference if we talk about it now or later.”</p><p>Reiner watched him go, not knowing whether to feel relieved or concerned.</p><p>***</p><p>The day unfolded right before Reiner’s eyes slowly, every minute sliding lazily in the clock.</p><p>Through the whole morning training session, Bertholdt avoided him, sometimes even blatantly. It was odd, and it left a bitter aftertaste in the back of Reiner’s throat, but the awkwardness and the bewildered stares from his peers were better than the agony of having the constant, unavoidable presence of Bertholdt, his deep green eyes and the truth that awaited behind them.</p><p>But the hours felt long and heavy, and Reiner’s patience had a limit. He was eager for answers, restlessness instilling into his skin, flesh and bones. By noon, he couldn’t take it any longer. He took a chance when he helped Annie pick up some wood from the forest. If someone knew what went through Bertholdt’s mind, that was Annie.</p><p>How to approach her was a whole different matter.</p><p>“Hey, Annie!” Reiner said, patting her shoulder with a comradery that felt absolutely out of place, especially given the way in which she pierced him with her glare. Startled, Reiner took a step back and waited a second. Her eyes were two flaming stones of ice, but the rest of her face remained impassive.</p><p>“I know what you are going to ask me” she spat, with a tint of venom in her voice. Again, Reiner’s question stayed unsaid. But it was fair, he thought. Annie had reasons to be angry at him, whether it was for monopolising her friend’s attention for the past weeks or for making him upset, even if the reason was unbeknownst to Reiner. “And the answer is this: I’m not telling you what you did wrong. If you don’t know it by now, that’s on you.”</p><p>The crease between Reiner’s brows grew deeper, confused. Annie huffed and a slight smile curved her lips upward, devoid of happiness.</p><p>“God, you’re a dense one, aren’t you?” she said. Reiner held the logs closer to his chest, alert. Annie might look petite, but she was intimidating if she wished to be. “Listen up, blondie. Do you really think you’re the only one Zeke talks to? Or the only one he makes offers to?”</p><p>Reiner swallowed, immediately understanding the weight of Annie’s words. Suddenly, he felt like crushing his head against a nearby tree, Annie’s merciless voice being the only thing keeping him from doing so.</p><p>“Zeke told me about you, your <em>unique</em> situation. He also told me that I’ll follow you soon, probably, but that’s irrelevant. The thing is: I know what you’ve been hiding from us.”</p><p>“And you told Bertholdt?”</p><p>“Of course I did” she snapped, without an ounce of hesitancy. “He’s my friend. What is he to you?”</p><p>She didn’t wait for an answer, nor did Reiner think of one. He let her go back to the camp and stood in the middle of the woods, logs still in his arms and guilt burning in his throat.</p><p>Would it have been better not knowing?</p><p>***</p><p>They met at night.</p><p>The moon was a silver disk in the sky, perfectly round, light dim enough to hide Reiner’s worries, but strong enough to show his way as he walked into the woods to their spot in the river. It couldn’t have been anywhere else.</p><p>As summer died down, nights had become nippier, but it wasn’t the cold breeze that sent a shiver down Reiner’s spine when he finally showed up. Standing on the edge of the river, Bertholdt waited wrapped in a dark hoodie, his hands in the pockets.</p><p>It had been a silent agreement. They left the rest of the group back in the camp, having dinner around an improvised bonfire. Everyone wanted to make the most out of the remaining days of the summer before autumn came, and with it more missions, responsibilities, and the inevitable end of what ended up being more of a daydream than a training camp.</p><p>Reiner dragged his feet along the pebbles of the riverside, letting Bertholdt know that he had arrived. He would speak if he could, but his mouth had gone dry and his tongue felt dead inside. It was like being back at square one. No, it was worse. Square one would have meant, at least, a solid friendship and a bond of deep trust. What he felt, mixed in the humid air of the river, was something more like a void of apathy. An abism between them both.</p><p>The silence stretched until it became unbearable. Finally, Reiner decided to break it, desperate.</p><p>“Can we have a word?”</p><p>Slowly, Bertholdt raised his eyes. It was hard to tell from the distance, but Reiner would have swore that his cheeks were wet. His heart sunk deeper in his chest. Again, guilt; and the cards weren’t yet on the table.</p><p>“I guess we should,” Bertholdt said, finally, after clearing his throat. But then he kept quiet. With their eyes still locked, Reiner watched as something built up inside Bertholdt. At first, it seemed close to despair, but eventually it transformed into pure anger. His jaw was tense before blurting out the words. “I told you not to lie to me, Reiner. I told you” he spat, suddenly, his voice choked. “Why?”</p><p>“I’m sorry…” The words rolled out of his mouth before Reiner could think them. They were sincere, but for some reason they felt empty, utterly insufficient. He mouthed something, but no other sound came out of his lips. His eyes searched for Bertholdt’s, desperate to find a hint of comprehension in them.</p><p>What he found, however, was nothing but a wall of sorrow and confusion.</p><p>“You’re sorry??” he snapped back, clearly hurt by the scarcity of Reiner’s words. “Sorry for what, Reiner? For not telling me that you’re leaving? For making me believe that <em>this</em> meant something to you?? <em>What </em>exactly are you sorry for?” His voice echoed in the darkness, but a breath of fresh air sweeped his words away with no answer in return.</p><p>Reiner blinked, mute, but unable to drift his gaze away from Bertholdt. He tried to pull the words out of his brain, his chest, or his tongue. Anything would be enough.</p><p>“Don’t look at me like that and say something!” Bertholdt went on, half speaking half yelling. “Please…”</p><p>Frustration was so intense it hurt. Reiner was trying to get his thoughts in order, to make it make sense, his brain boiling with anxiety. Palms wet, feet restless and breath out of rhythm. He took a deep breath and helplessly parted his lips. But, what could he say to make it up to him? Were there enough words in the world to fix what had been broken? If there was any kind of magic spell, a prayer, a verse… Reiner would have said it once and a thousand times. But words remained unspoken.</p><p>With a light shrug, Reiner casted his eyes to the other man, expecting to face another wave of Bertholdt’s rage, some kind of flaming anger, even hate. He was prepared for that. He had messed it up, and was ready to face the consequences. What Reiner was not ready for was Bertholdt’s calm sadness. Deep and blue like the ocean. After all, he was like sea foam, and after breaking against the cliffs he retreated into a state of lull. And that was something Reiner could not bear, because everything would be better than knowing that the storm would be happening inside Bertholdt’s mind, as he closed the door he had once trusted Reiner to open.</p><p>“You know, I… I’ve been a fool.” Bertholdt’s voice came in the form of a whisper, accompanied by a breathy chuckle. “It’s my fault, I guess. I just… I wanted to believe that maybe…” His words lingered in the air for a second, as his eyes fled to the silvery waters of the river.</p><p>Reiner’s mind took him back to the night in the pond. To Bertholdt’s wet, glistening skin. His smile, his laughter. His lips. The taste of his mouth and the touch of his gracile hands. How happy and relaxed he had seemed whenever they met. How he had shown Reiner a side of him he kept guarded from everyone else. How Reiner had thrown it all away just because he was a damn coward.</p><p>“I’m tired, you know?” At that point, Reiner couldn’t tell if Bertholdt was speaking to him or to himself. “I’m tired of being so self-conscious, of being afraid. I’m tired of pretending that it doesn’t hurt.” He bit his lower lip and took a deep breath. Reiner, still mute, braced himself, held his breath. “I’m tired of pretending I don’t love you. Because I do. I love you, Reiner. <em>I love you, I love you…</em>” Bertholdt said, as his voice grew softer and softer, until the mantra dissolved into thin air, his eyes still fixed in the moving water. He looked peaceful, even.</p><p>But when he looked up at Reiner, that deep sea of grief was still in his eyes.</p><p>“And I’m not saying this for you to say it back. I know you won’t. But I think I deserve to say it out loud. I deserve more than… A quick fuck in the forest now and then. I am worthy of someone’s love. Yours, even.” For an instant, anger sparked again in his face. Reiner knew him well enough to know that he would probably try to restrain himself. “I am worthy” he repeated, with conviction. “So you can go and fuck yourself if you want to! I don’t care, Reiner. I don’t care anymore.” The conviction was still there, somewhere in his voice, but something broke with that last sentence. He blinked fast, looking up and biting his lip even harder than before.</p><p>All along, Reiner had watched him avidly, as if he was certain that he would die if he dared to look away. “Come on, say something” he thought, desperate, outraged. Self-loathing climbed up his throat sour like bile. “Come on, you fucking idiot, say something! <em>ANYTHING</em>!! You’re going to lose him.”</p><p>
  <em>You’re going to lose him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve already lost him, haven’t I?</em>
</p><p>“What? You have nothing to say?” Bertholdt yelled, his eyes darting a hurt glance in Reiner’s direction and snapping him back to reality.</p><p>Reiner knew Bertholdt was holding himself back. Holding his rage, his contempt, perhaps even his grief. He was shouting, but there was still some kind of containment in the way he delivered his accusations, as if he didn’t want to explode altogether.</p><p>That was Bertholdt: too polite to show his anger, even when he was livid.</p><p>Reiner parted his lips, as if he was about to say something, but he found his throat dry and his tongue still, unable to articulate a single word. His hazel eyes looked up and Bertholdt looked back at him. There was a brief silence. The tallest of them both was the first one to look away, nodding with his head as he pressed his thin lips together.</p><p>“I see” he said, his voice hoarse, as though he had something stuck in his throat. Reiner knew what it was; he felt the same way, regardless of his sudden inability to express it. “Then there’s not much I can say…” Berthold added, gloomy.</p><p>Reiner, still mute, stood where he was as Bertholdt walked past him, sharing a final stare, a longer one. The blue light of the moon projected shadows on Bertholdt’s elongated face, only adding to the hopelessness of his expression. Reiner thought that he looked beautiful, immensely alluring, but he still didn’t utter a single word. He just watched him go in silence, with his sad eyes gazing away from him.</p><p>Those deep green eyes, sadder than he had ever seen them.</p><p>Maybe Reiner’s subconscious was right after all and he would die if he lost sight of Bertholdt. Maybe if he just waited it would happen. His heart, pounding against his chest, felt like it. As soon as he was left alone, Reiner crumbled down like a long abandoned castle and sat down on the stones, curled up with his head between his knees and both hands on it. Next time he opened his mouth, a sharp breath came out, and nothing seemed to come in. He gasped hard, trying to inhale some air, and his chest rose and fell heavily.</p><p>
  <em>What have you done, Reiner? What have you done?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve let him go. He loved you and you let him go, you fool. He loved you. </em>
</p><p>Reiner closed his eyes shut and struggled to control his breathing until something else came along, undoing the knot in his throat. It was a sob, shaking his body, bringing tears to his eyes until they were flooding down his cheeks.</p><p>For once, he let it all out.</p><p>He allowed himself to do so, and cried, sobbed until his eyes felt dry again and his nose and throat sore and irritated. But it had to be done that way. He had to let the flood break de dykes and obliterate it all. Let the soil be wiped out of everything. Then there will be time to rebuild.</p><p>He still got time. Maybe <em>they </em>did too.</p><p>With this thought in mind, he laid down, his limbs stretched and his back against the irregular pebbles of the riverside, his eyes facing the starry night sky. And, as he had done that same morning, he waited until the storm subsided.</p><p>***</p><p>The camp was quiet when he made his way back. Reiner didn’t know what time it was, neither did he care. Everyone should be asleep by then, and that was what mattered.</p><p>He sneak into the dorm carefully, tiptoeing his way to the bunk bed. He stopped at the feet of the bed and looked up at the bed in which Bertholdt slept, bundled up in blankets. The bed beside his own. The bed where they had slept, restless, knowing the body that lied mere centimetres away, yet completely out of reach. The bed where they made love, even if it was just once, just to know what it felt to behave like lovers did. Reiner climbed the ladder, stepping lighter when the wood cracked under his weight. When he reached the top, he found Bertholdt’s gaze. He lied awake, perhaps waiting for him. Hopefully.</p><p>Reiner slid under the sheets swiftly, and got himself comfortable. Unlike many other times, he didn’t even try to pretend the intention of staying away, and went straight to the point where their mattresses met, as close to Bertholdt’s as possible. He didn’t move away one inch, just stared, green eyes fixed in hazel, both darkened by the dim light of the bedroom. The silence was dense, only interrupted by the rhythmic sound of their peer’s breathings, but neither of them seemed to care.</p><p>As though not wanting to break the spell, they remained silent for a minute, their faces so close that their noses touched whenever they moved even if it was just to breath. Bertholdt’s body beamed a soft heat, like summer breeze. Reiner thought, absent-minded, that it was true: his hands and feet were always warm, welcoming. Even in winter, his skin felt hot in comparison to others. Even naked, shivering. He was still warm. Like the sun, like a hug. Like home. He felt like home.</p><p>This time Reiner didn’t stop the words from coming out.</p><p>“I love you” he said, his eyes glimmering with candor. And once the window had been opened, the rush of wind bursted in unstoppable. “I love you, Bert. I’m in love with you. And I’ve been for a long time; even before I realised I was. I love you and I love spending time with you. I love how you call my name, and how you look for me every time I’m not looking, and how you smile when I look back, and how you blush because I sometimes smile back. And I love to hold your hands, because they’re so beautiful it’s unreal. Oh, and your smell, I really love how you smell. I know it’s weird, I’m sorry…” He felt he wasn’t making any sense at that point, but he managed to pull a soft chuckle out of Bertholdt’s lips, and that was enough. More than enough, at least to keep him going.</p><p>“Don’t laugh at me, please, I’m being serious. You’re just…” Reiner beamed, going speechless for a moment, but this time it had nothing to do with what he had felt some hours ago. Unable to finish the sentence, an idea popped in his mind. A memory of a detail that had caught his eye. With a little gasp, he called Bertholdt’s attention back, green-grey eyes wide and expectant. “Do you know you get freckles in you back in summer? I mean, they're very faint, but if you look up close…”</p><p>Something shutted his mouth close, and this time it wasn’t his own anguish. It hadn’t been so long since they had kissed last time, but Reiner felt like they were kissing for the very first time. His own lips felt clumsy, hesitant, as Bertholdt brought a hand to his nape and guided him, as gentle as ever. After the initial shock, Reiner cupped Bertholdt’s face and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and pressing his body against the opposite, legs tangled under the covers and chests raising against each other with every breath.</p><p>“Wait, wait, wait” Reiner said suddenly, breaking the kiss and pulling away for Bertholdt’s amusement. When their eyes met again, Reiner could not feel anything but joy filling his chest, mirroring Bertholdt’s precious smile. “Let me finish first, please. There’s so much I need to say.”</p><p>Bertholdt nodded and, when he spoke, his voice sounded as it had before: soft, sweet, gentle, tender.</p><p>“Go ahead, please.”</p><p>Everything good, and kind, and benevolent in the world was in the man before him, Reiner realised all of a sudden, like an epiphany.</p><p>“I’m sorry. For not talking before, for being so stubborn and dense. And for underestimating you. I thought I could protect you by hiding the truth, but turns out I ended up causing you nothing but pain. And that’s something I can’t forgive myself for” Reiner said, his voice low but intense. His hands still cupping Bertholdt’s cheeks, he realised how well they fit there. Meant to be like this, he thought silently, allured by the hopeful beam in Bertholdt’s eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you, or make you feel like we’re running out of time… Although we might be.”</p><p>He made a brief pause, and let the pain those words carried settle before continuing.</p><p>“I’ve been bottling this up for so long… Too long. Truth is, you deserve love. So much love, Bert. And you deserve something better than me…” Reiner looked away and swallowed. Deep down he couldn’t help but feel undeserving for not only his love and attention, but also a second chance like that. The easiness with which Bertholdt had accepted him back, arms wide opened waiting for him to rest between them.</p><p>Suddenly, he felt a touch on his chin. Bertholdt’s fingers pushed his face up.</p><p>“You don’t get to say that” he said, a hint of tenderness leaking from his serious façade. “You’re good enough for me, just as I am good enough for you. I love you, Reiner. It is what it is. I don’t care if we don’t have much time left. If that’s so, then I want to be with you until our paths part.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Reiner’s, his hand still wrapped around his nape, caressing the short hear of the back of his head. “That’s my final decision, if you’re willing to accept it.”</p><p>Reiner breathed out slowly, allowing his lungs to deflate before filling them up once more. Demolish it all. Then build it up again. Slowly, Reiner began to nod.</p><p>“If that’s what you wish…”</p><p>“It is” Bertholdt replied, even if he didn’t have to, just to assure Reiner. “You are what I want. We’ll figure it out. Together.”</p><p>All the anxiety that had been building up in his chest began to disappear, dissolving like sandcastles blowed away in the gales until there was nothing left of it. He, Bertholdt, was the magician that had performed the trick. He had put his pieces back together and sew them with infinite love and care. And he was willing to stay, to make it work despite the uncertainty. <em>Lucky </em>wasn’t a word wide enough to describe how Reiner felt when he leaned forward again to be welcomed by the soft kiss of his lover.</p><p>“Fiiiiiiiinally, the lovebirds!”</p><p>The yell came from somewhere in the room, and both Bertholdt and Reiner froze.</p><p>“Porco?” Reiner said, raising his voice a little bit.</p><p>“God, I thought they wouldn’t make it.” This time was Annie, followed by Marcel’s laughter.</p><p>“Is everyone awake?” Reiner asked, sitting up on the bed. In the darkness, he couldn’t tell clearly, but he swore he saw the silhouettes of his friends on their beds. Underneath him, Bertholdt chuckled, too unbothered to leave the bed, and even amused at Reiner’s embarrassment. The grin grew wider in his lips as Reiner leaned forward, almost hanging out of the bunk bed to start a heated argument with Porco.</p><p>“Motherfucker, you don’t whisper, you just scream in a low volume.”</p><p>“What the fuck does that mean?”</p><p>“I could hear the whole conversation from over here!”</p><p>“Okay, guys, tone it down, I think… Oh, damn” Marcel lamented, still half laughing when a loud yawn warned them that the only one who had been asleep all the time was finally awake.</p><p>“What time is it?” Pieck’s sleepy voice asked in the darkness. “Why are you guys yelling?”</p><p>“Oh, great. See what you’ve done, Reiner?”</p><p>Reiner was about to retort when he felt Bertholdt yanking his shirt and making him fall to the mattress, almost on top of him.</p><p>“Careful there, man, what’s wrong with you?” Reiner murmured, still sulky. But Bertholdt’s cheerful laughter sweeped all his childish anger away, leaving behind a pinch of embarrassment and a warmth Reiner had never felt before. He collapsed on top of Bertholdt and hid his face in the curve of his neck. “What are you laughing at, huh?” he asked, his lips touching the soft skin.</p><p>“Nothing… I just felt like laughing” was his answer, one arm around Reiner’s waist and the other finding its way to his hair, soothing him until the voices died down. Eventually, Reiner’s eyelids began to feel heavier and heavier, but he didn’t want to sleep in case that last hour was all a dream. Too good to be true; a happiness so pure and perfect that not even the possibility of a premature departure could cast a shadow upon it.</p><p>He looked up at Bertholdt’s face and just stared, in devoted silence. Even in the dark, he could tell his features, solemn and regal, suited for a prince. His dark hair all tousled, his sun-kissed skin darkened around the flushed cheeks. The curves of his cheekbones and his nose, straight and long. His lips, thin, delicate, made for kissing and smiling and reciting poetry. His chin and jawline, and the short dark fuzz he shaved so carefully every other day. And his eyes. Large, awake, smart. Green like the forest. Grey like the mountains. Innocent, yet deep and mysterious. Reiner realised all of a sudden, undoubtedly, that he would remember those eyes even if they spent years apart. Even if he never saw him again. He would know those eyes, and they would always lead him back to him; back home. With this certainty, he relaxed to the sound of Bertholdt’s heartbeat, still lost in his embrace.</p><p>Neither of them woke up early the following morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Finally.......... Here it is!<br/>I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I'm happy this is finally my first finished fanfic. It was such a pleasure to write and I enjoyed it so much. Also, I wanted to thank once more to everyone who supported me and left comments and kudos, it really means a lot to me! Please let me know down below what you think! </p><p>I'll be back soon with more (I hope lol) :) Enjoy!</p><p>Follow me on Tumblr (incorrectcats) or Twitter (@wildxuxi)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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